Torchwood Academy
by ThatLong-HairedCreepyGuy
Summary: AUfic! Rated M for V/L/SSC. OC and Janto (lots!) After the Battle of Canary Wharf, Captain Jack Harkness has the original Torchwood Institute dismantled and shipped to Cardiff. As members of the Torchwood Academy, Jack and Ianto's team faces all new kinds of alien and Earthly threats while protecting humanity and preparing for the future. And having sex. Mustn't forget that one!
1. Higher Learning -- Episode 1

Torchwood Academy:

Higher Education

Episode 1

Survival of the Fittest

(Part 1)

by That Long-Haired Creepy Guy

It was supposed to have been Park Vale High School.

Strangely, this was the coherent thought swimming through his brain at the moment, that he'd been down for Park Vale but ended up here instead. Everything else was was a mess at the moment, though.

His name was Leon. Of that, he was more or less certain. Leon Cameron, to be specific. He was seventeen years old, in sixth form, and preparing to take his A-levels. He had peach skin that was tinted a light brown, possibly from a tan, and his stomach was about to unload its contents. The last one occurred before Leon could point his face all the way away, leaving him with a mess on his uniform trousers. Thankfully, the regurgitation hadn't gone on long due to his stomach being mostly empty. He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten.

Apparently, it had been a while, or a very light meal.

His stomach refused to settle, even after emptying its contents. Reluctantly, Leon forced himself up off the dirty ground. He was...

A teenager, that's what. He was a terrified kid alone on a rainy night in an alley where there was almost no light to see by. He couldn't remember exactly where he lived, or what his parents' faces looked like. The fear that gripped him shook his soul, but he made himself stay calm. Stupid kid or not, he was not going to panic now.

Thinking this gave him some resolve. Leon attempted a few tentative steps, found his legs to be in working order, and headed for what looked like the mouth of the alley. It didn't feel like any part of his body was broken. There were no traces of blood, and a quick brush through his hair with his fingers confirmed he hadn't hit his head. Overall, aside from the nausea and stubborn refusal of his stomach to calm down, he seemed to be doing fine.

Which, the more he thought about it, made even less sense. This kind of amnesia didn't come out of nowhere without a cause. There had to have been some reason for him waking up in a dark alley with fractured memories.

Leon realized he'd been standing in the mouth of the alley under the rain for several minutes now, thinking to himself. He must have looked ridiculous, except there was no one around to pass judgment on him. Beyond the alley was a street, and across from that lay the front grounds of what looked like a school building.

Instinct took over, and his feet strode purposefully over to the front gates. They were locked, but something made him turn left the moment he reached them. Along the brick wall that fenced the grounds in he walked. Leon had no idea where he was going, but his feet appeared to think otherwise, and he wasn't feeling up to an argument at the moment. When he came to the corner, Leon followed the wall to the far back. There, he stopped in front of a suspicious green door. There was nothing remotely strange about it. The door was just a slab with a knob on it, easily missed in the darkness of the night rain.

Leon reached out for the knob automatically, then hesitated. Thoughts raced through his mind, to where he felt dizzy on top of nauseated. How did he know what was behind this door?

Defiantly, Leon grabbed for the knob and turned. It was unlocked, and swung open with the weight of itself. Leon let go, and dove inside out of the rain just as an ominous flash of lightning struck overhead. Reaching back, he closed the heavy slab before shaking himself off. It was cold, and a dull hum somewhere off in the distance told him that an air unit was blowing.

"Now what?" Leon wondered, looking down at his soaked shoes.

Taking a step forward, he moved along through the deserted, dark corridor. His shoes squeaked against the tile floor, and it sounded as though people from miles away ought to have heard. No one came, though, and as Leon approached a set of stairs on his right, he automatically turned to climb them.

When he reached the third floor, Leon turned left again, making his way to a room on the far end of the hall. At number eight, he stopped, and reached for the knob.

It opened at his touch, and a young woman jerked up, startled by the sound. Her eyes narrowed, and she at him angrily before getting up off the bed. "Where have you been?" she demanded. "The headmaster is going to skin us both alive."

Leon found himself being pulled forward inside the room. The strange girl gave a quick look out through the door before ducking back inside.

"You're soaking wet," she noted, still fuming. "You must have left a trail all the way up here. There's no way anyone is going to overlook that."

There was something about her face. Leon felt like he ought to know her, but remembering her name was like trying to grab at air. Something else seemed odd, and it actually took a moment for Leon to realize he was standing in his dormitory room, and a girl was there with him.

Another glance around made him cringe. Calling it a dorm might have been stretching things. The place looked more like a prison cell, yet as Leon stared down at the cot that he was sure had been his bed, something flashed through his head. It was only for a second, but that was more than long enough for his face to burn bright red.

"Stacy," he blurted out.

The girl frowned. "Why are you calling me that now?" she wondered. "And what are you doing just standing there in those wet clothes? Take them off."

Leon went rigid. "Um," he began, unsure of where to even start with that statement.

"Well?" she demanded.

Leon noticed then that the girl was wearing a strange sort of white uniform. It looked nothing at all like something a school would issue, and the front appeared to unzip all the way down for quick, easy removal.

"You should have been out of your uniform hours ago," she was saying, looking him over as if checking for damage. "Go ahead and take it off. We haven't got all night."

"Um," Leon said again, sounding like a very bored parrot.

The girl called Stacy looked at him closely in the face. "Is everything alright?" she asked suddenly. "You're acting very queer, you know."

"I'm..." Leon began, clearing his throat. "I woke up in the alley across the street. Something must have happened. My head feels funny, and I'm having some trouble remembering things."

Stacy looked alarmed now. "Were you attacked?" she demanded. "This is serious. Do you remember anything before waking up?"

"No," he said quickly, shivering now. "Is there a towel in here I can dry off with? I'm getting really cold."

"Towels are kept in the bathing area," she said, "which you should know already. Whatever happened must have really scrambled you."

Leon sneezed. "It feels like it."

Stacy thought hard for a moment, then went to the door. "Start getting undressed," she ordered him. "I'll see if I can't slip into the shower area and slip out a towel or two so you can dry off. After that, though, we should get started."

Before Leon could think to ask what she meant they should get started on, Stacy was gone. Even with her gone, Leon hesitated getting changed, but the shivering was getting tiresome. His whole body ached a bit now. Sighing, he began pulling the soaked uniform off his body one piece at a time.

There was no mirror in the room for him to look at, so Leon looked down at himself as he stood in the middle of the cell-like room, naked. His body was toned like a swimmer's, with special definition in his abdomen. Apparently, he was big into sit-ups and chest presses. He was also uncircumcised, a fact that felt odd for some reason.

The door burst open, startling him, but it was only Stacy returning with two towels. Leon started to cover himself, but she tossed the towels his way as though he weren't even there. Leon caught them, wondering for a moment if he should be offended, then decided drying off was more important. He thought he heard a zip sound as he turned to dry the rainwater from his body.

"Are you still haven't trouble remembering?" he heard Stacy ask from behind.

"Kinda," he answered. "I remember my name, and other bits and pieces, but there are these gaps in my head, like black patches."

"So you don't remember what happened in the alley?" she pressed, getting right to the point. "You don't know what happened, or how you got like this?"

"No," he said, feeling frustrated as the last drop of water was wiped away.

Stacy grew quiet for a moment. "You'll have to report to the head nurse first thing in the morning," she decided, her footsteps echoing in the room as she came up behind him. "If you aren't badly damaged, though, we should get on with it."

"Get on with wh...?"

Leon's words froze in his throat as he turned around. Stacy was standing directly behind him, as naked as he was.

"Procreating," she said impatiently, before lunging at him.

"Wait, I..."

Anything else Leon might have said in protest was lost as Stacy's lips locked with his. Blood rushed from his head to other areas as they fell back onto his bed.

"Hurry," she hissed into his ear. "I've been waiting all evening for you to show up. Go ahead and fuck me!"

{} {} {} {} {}

"Excuse me, my friend needs to speak with the school nurse."

Ianto Jones pivoted on his heel, plastering a warm, boyish smile to his face before he was even halfway around, and stared over the counter at the young woman. The friend she'd spoken of, he assumed, was being held to her side by what looked like a very strong grip.

"Right," he said, looking from her to the boy next to her. "Nurse Gita. She is in with another student at the moment. Is it serious?"

"I think so," she answered for him again.

Ianto looked from her to the boy, who reluctantly nodded. "I see. In that case, why don't you have a seat. It might be a little while, so unless you really need to stay with him, it would be best if your friend went back to class."

"I'm good," he told her, pulling free at last. "You go on ahead."

The girl looked less than happy, but consented. "Come and find me once you're done," she told him, and it sounded like an order. "We've got to get this sorted out before T-day."

Ianto couldn't resist smiling as the young lady stormed off. "Girlfriend?" he ventured.

"Sure looks that way," he mumbled, moving over to a nearby chair near the door marked nurse's office.

Remembering that he was supposed to be posing as a receptionist, Ianto began busying himself with the young man's file.

"Your name is Leon Cameron, correct?" he asked, looking up at Leon again, who nodded politely. "It says here that you're from America originally."

Leon took a long moment answering. "Right," he said, though it sounded to Ianto like he wasn't so sure.

"That's interesting," Ianto commented. "How long have you lived here?"

"A while," the boy answered evasively.

"Well, I hope you're enjoying yourself so far," Ianto replied, taking the hint. "I'm going to give Nurse Gita a ring so she knows there's another student waiting."

Ianto heard the boy mutter something. It sounded like, 'some parts', but it was too low for him to be sure. A thought occurred to him as he picked up the PA phone, and Ianto paused.

"Would you like me to tell her what the problem is, or is this something you'd rather discuss with her?"

"With her," Leon answered at once.

"Right."

Before he could press the button for Gita's office, the door swung open. "Anyone else?" the nurse asked, as a pale girl with dark hair brushed past impatiently.

Nurse Gita's eyes fell on Leon. "Mr. Cameron, is it?" she asked, before turning toward Ianto. "Is he here for me?"

"Yes," Ianto answered, smiling. "Go right on, then."

No sooner had the two disappeared behind the office door, Ianto's cell phone rang. "Hello?" he asked, after peeking out through the receptionist office window to ensure the coast was clear.

"Ianto," a rich, smooth voice on the other end said.

Ianto felt things inside of him grow warm and quiver. "Jack," Ianto said, a little breathlessly. "It's... ah, it's good to see... hear your voice."

"Did you think I wasn't coming in today?" Jack asked from the other line. "A teacher's duty is to be on time."

"Vastra and Bray said something about needing help with a bug downtown," he replied by way of an explanation, hoping his voice wasn't shaking anymore. "I thought you'd be giving them a hand."

"False alarm," Jack replied, nonchalantly. "Turns out, we aren't being invaded by an alien horde. It was just a mutant. Probably something to do with the Rift. How goes the undercover work on your end?"

"Same as always," Ianto said, glancing over toward the nurse's office, which was still shut tight. "Speaking of that, though, do you remember the student we had to RetCon yesterday? The one that saw us interrogating the gym teacher."

"I remember you were quick with a needle," Jack teased, his voice growing deeper. "Never knew you could move so fast. We may have to test that under different circumstances later."

Ianto tried not to smile, and failed. "He came into the office this morning with a girl, wanting to see the nurse."

"And?"

Ianto thought for a moment before speaking, wrestling with how to convince Jack of what he suspected.

"It's probably just the RetCon," he admitted, fingering the ornamental pen in his front pocket while he spoke. "But there was something different about him. He looked less sure of himself, like he was dazed or something."

"You just described most of my students," Jack retorted playfully. "And that includes Wren and Lisa. No offense."

Ianto felt a pang at the mention of the name. "No problem," he said stiffly, feeling himself withdraw on the inside. "I was wondering about the boy, though. His file lists him as an American named Leon Cameron. What if..."

"...he's one of them?" Jack finished.

"According to his file, he's a board here at the school," Ianto said, flipping through the papers quickly to confirm. "And we don't know exactly what's going on up on the top floor, or what they're giving the students."

"Synthesized hormones and Axpotil."

Ianto hesitated, waiting for Jack to explain. "Tosh did a scan on a food sample I took from the cafeteria," Jack continued, enjoying the bemused look he knew must be fixed on Ianto's face now.

"And," Ianto tried, before giving up. "Sorry, what does that mean?"

"The hormones are designed to affect specific areas of the body," Jack said. "Like the reproductive glands. Axpotil is a rare drug used in the Dar'thia system. Or, it will be in about twenty or so years. It lowers the inhibitions. The kids are only being given one or two micrograms. Any more than that and their inhibitor impulses would stop firing."

It took a moment before Ianto caught up to Jack's train of thought, more from revulsion than anything else.

"Someone in the school is drugging the students with reproductive hormones," he said slowly. "And an alien substance that essentially makes you act stupid."

"Correct."

The frown on Ianto's face made him look as though he'd bitten into something sour. "Why?" he wondered.

"Reproduction," Jack explained. "It makes the universe go round."

Ianto's face turned slightly red at that. "Of course," he said. "How silly of me. And I thought I was confused before you explained that part."

"The kids are being exploited," Jack said, his words laced with anger as each step he took brought him closer to the school. "Someone is doing experiments on them, possibly for breeding. It might explain why the dormitory level is so heavily restricted."

Ianto was at a loss for words. "This is just... wrong," he managed at last.

"Keep up the good work," Jack told him. "You're my eyes and ears in that part of the school. Also, make sure you keep a close watch on that kid. If he starts to remember anything, we might have a problem."

"I will," Ianto said. "When will you be arriving?"

A knock at the door made Ianto look up. Jack was sticking his head into the receptionist area, smiling like a cat that ate the cream.

"Will now do?" he asked, smirking. "I thought we might squeeze in some fun time of our own before the bell rings."

Ianto's face went slack as the tall, handsome man with wavy brown hair strode across the room toward him. "Jack, this is a school," Ianto managed to say.

"So?" Jack demanded. "We do this kind of thing all the time in a school."

"At the Academy, yes," Ianto replied, hoping to maintain some tiny shred of decorum as Jack leaned purposefully over the counter toward him. "I remember. It's just that..."

Jack silenced Ianto by seizing the front collar of his suit and yanking him over the counter for a kiss.

"Alright then," Jack complied. "You can be the teacher this time, and I'll be the student. Now, let's go someplace more private. I need a spanking."

{} {} {} {} {}

Leon shivered as Nurse Gita brushed her fingers expertly over his throat, checking the glands there for swelling. Her hands felt almost unnaturally cold, and each new bit of contact his skin made with them sent shivers coursing through his body.

"You may have had a bump on the head," she mused, peering through the thick mop of hair, trying to see the scalp underneath. "It was raining yesterday evening, so falling and hitting your skull cap isn't out of the question. All in all, I'd say it will pass in another day or so."

Leon frowned. "Shouldn't I see a doctor?" he asked. "Or go to the hospital?"

"No need." Nurse Gita sounded bored as she made a notation on her clipboard. "Even if it isn't temporary, your memories will return."

Before Leon could open his mouth, she raised her head back up. "I suggest you go back to class," she said curtly.

"Right," said Leon, fuming on the inside. "That's certainly more important."

"Agreed," Nurse Gita replied. "Off you go, then."

Leon gathered his books and left the office, letting the door slam shut on his way out. For a moment, he stood outside in the receptionist area, still furious at having been given the brush off.

"Weird," he muttered to himself, glancing around.

The man from before, the receptionist, was gone now. Still feeling put out about the whole mess, and somewhat clammy from the nurse's cold hands, Leon decided to find Stacy in the hopes that she could help. Thinking of her made the memory of last night rush back to him. Leon felt a blush creep up his neck as he stumbled out into the hallway, closing this door much more quietly than before.

Was Stacy his girlfriend?

The man behind the counter thought so, and by all accounts from last night, Leon was having a difficult time disputing the fact. It dawned on him that a co-ed dormitory in a sixth level school was strange by itself.

They hadn't used protection, something Leon had already thought of earlier this morning. Mentioning it to Stacy had earned him a wide-eyed look of shock, like the idea was beyond her. That, he guessed, was why she'd been so determined to get him to the nurse's office before class. Still, it ought to have mattered to her. The last thing either of them needed was for her to turn up pregnant.

At least, that was what Leon assumed he should feel.

Another spot of dizziness hit Leon as the thought bounced around his head like a rubber ball. As he staggered, a faint grunt sounded over the squeaking of his shoes against the tile floor. Following that was a low moan, which came from a closed door off to his left. Righting himself, Leon turned toward it curiously. Before he had time to think about it, his hand was reaching for the knob.

The door opened out, forcing Leon to crack it much wider than he'd planned to. Any thoughts about getting caught were forced out of his head as his eyes landed on the two figures at the other end of the empty classroom.

Leon recognized one immediately as the receptionist. The other was a tall man with brown hair and very broad shoulders. Both were naked, and the taller of the two was currently slamming his hips forward into the receptionist sprawled out flat on his back atop one of the desks. A smile almost like a leer spread over the broad man as he leaned forward to press his mouth hard into the receptionist's lips.

Leon's cock sprang to life at the sight of the two men coupling together like there was no tomorrow. That, he mused, was most likely not a good sign.

Something like lightning flashed through Leon's brain, and he remembered that the sweaty man currently atop the school aid was a teacher, one named Harkness. Backing away, Leon shut the door as quietly as he could, then took off back the direction he'd come. The front doors were ahead of him, and coming closer. Leon burst through them, taking several deep breaths of thick London air as his feet skid to a stop on the pavement.

"Okay, keep calm," he said to himself. "Even though talking to yourself at this point is probably a bad sign. You saw two blokes having a shag in one of the empty classrooms."

Leon took a deep breath. "Big deal, right?"

No one replied, something that Leon was grateful for. "Right," he answered instead. "Time to go back to class before Stacy comes and hunts me down."

Trying to ignore the erection lingering in his trousers, Leon turned toward the doors with the intent of going back inside. As he did, however, something made him stop dead in his tracks. The sky up above was overcast, but enough sunlight peeked down through the clouds to show his reflection. Leon squinted as he stepped tentatively up to the glass front doors. Though it wasn't perfect, he could see enough of himself to know something was very wrong.

His hair. It was _lighter_.

Not quite blond or anything. It wasn't that it had somehow bleached itself within the last twelve minutes, but he was sure the locks hanging down around his face this morning had been dark brown. Now, they looked closer to the color of wet beach sand.

Gently, as if afraid that it would burn him, Leon brushed his fingertips through the strands. The hair was silky to the touch instead of the slightly dry texture he recalled from that morning. Shaking his head, Leon watched as it flew around his face like something from a shampoo commercial. Darker strands closer to the shade he remembered having lurked underneath, giving it a layered appearance.

"What...?"

Leon couldn't even finish the question. Fear clenched his stomach as he studied his face closely. The changes were different, subtle, but they were there. It looked like his eyes, which had been brown, were now flaked with moss green. The nose centering his face seemed larger, and the eyes were farther apart. Overall, it wasn't that big a difference, but Leon knew that a person's features did not change so fast for no reason.

"What's happening to me?"

Leon broke into a run, hoping to get as far from his changing reflection as he could. His feet beat against the pavement as he raced along the front of the building toward the corner, where he remembered students sometimes lingered between classes. It seemed like a great place to hide and collect himself before the bell rang. At the moment, all Leon cared about was waking up from the nightmare he seemed to be trapped in.

On the side of the school building was a railing guarding a set of concrete steps leading down to the basement. Leon slowed to a stop as he reached the area where the railing began. Not from exhaustion, though; his body was racing as though it had been built for heavy exertion. His eyes had caught too figures standing at the bottom in front of the doors. Something screamed in his brain now, ordering him to stop them.

Instead, Leon waited.

"Thirty-seven thousand possible combinations," a young black boy with long cornrows said to the equally dark-skinned girl next to him. "Quite the challenge for me."

"For you, yes," the girl said derisively in a cold, empty voice. "For me, however, it is no challenge at all."

The young man had something attached to his arm. Leon squinted, and saw it was some sort of metal casing, shaped like a cylinder, but more curved and wider at the end. He was holding it up to a metal plate beside the basement doors. A blue screen was hovering in mid-air above the metal device, only it was see-through. It looked almost like a hologram from a TV program.

Leon watched as the girl nudged her friend out of the way before pressing her palm to the plate next to the door. "It is triple-encrypted," she told the young man watching beside her. "There are several security protocols, and a back-up solely for detecting infiltration. If I overload the system, it will most likely trigger an alarm, thus compromising our reason for being here."

"Yeah," the young man said, as the screen on the metal arm device flickered away. "I could have figured that last part out on my own, but thanks anyway."

"Your gratitude is unnecessary," she replied curtly.

Leon stood where he was as the two continued working, oblivious to his presence for the moment.

"This level of security is unnecessary for such a building," she concluded after a moment. "Captain Harkness's suspicions were valid."

"The disappearances were enough for me," the young man said, studying the panel closely now. "A whole level of student boarders don't just up and move, never to be heard from again, five different times."

"Seven," the girl corrected.

"Seven times, then."

Leon started to back away, and felt his shoe crunch against something on the ground. The noise was apparently loud enough to get the two's attention. The girl whirled around and looked up at him first, followed by the boy. Startled, Leon took off.

Leon didn't bother looking to see if he was being followed. His feet flew across the pavement like a track star's. Rounding a corner, he shot for a spot near the back as the sound of footfalls echoed behind him further back. Whoever the two were, they'd apparently decided to give chase. Gritting his teeth, Leon pushed his body further, turning on new steam. Chancing a glance back, he saw that the boy was falling behind, but the girl was fast on his heels.

Two more turns, and Leon still couldn't lose her. Veering sharply to the right, he took off for a side gate someone had left open. Once outside school grounds, Leon worked his way toward the street in front of the school. If nothing else, should the girl catch up to him, it would mean doing something to him in front of eyewitnesses.

Still, she didn't let up. Against his better judgment, Leon darted across the street as soon as he reached the main gates. Cars honked, and several people shouted curses his way, but the unexpected change in direction accomplished what Leon had hoped. The girl was fast, but not as agile as he. By the time she'd changed directions, Leon was already breaking ahead of her through traffic. The cars slowed her down further while Leon was able to make it to the other side without becoming street pizza.

It was the same alley he'd woken up in yesterday.

The sound of a bus roaring past the mouth of the alley filled the narrow space. Impulse filled his body, and his legs pushed him away from the ground. Leon found himself facing toward the ground as the girl raced past, not bothering to look up.

The alley emptied into a different street on the other side. Leon watched her disappear, then waited to see if the other one would come along. No one did, so he let go.

Except that he wasn't holding on to anything. His fingertips clung to the brick siding of the building like they were coated in glue. Panicking, Leon pushed away, and felt himself fall. He should have been a stain on the ground, but instinct once against seized him a second before his head could greet the asphalt.

Leon's feet sailed over his head as he cut a flip, landing in a crouch.

His fingers were still sticky. They clung to the ground beneath his feet for a moment, before he finally yanked hard enough to disengage them. Grime clung to the surface, digging into the groves that formed his fingerprints.

"Okay," he said softly under the noise of traffic behind him. "I'm pretty sure that's not normal."

{} {} {} {} {}

"Hi, honey. I'm home, and we brought you a present."

Jack's voice carried through the vast expanse of the mansion observatory that served as his office. Ianto, Wren, and Lisa entered the space behind him, and followed Jack across the room over to the small corner set up as Tosh's personal space. Toshiko Sato raised up from the row of computer screens in front of her and smiled. Tosh sat at a circular desk that was covered from top to bottom in postcards from different places all over the world.

"I guess this means you can't say he forgets your birthday," Ianto muttered dryly as he and the others came to a stop beside Jack, who was standing in front of Sato's desk now.

"Don't make fun," Jack bit back, giving Ianto a look. "Tosh loves it when I bring her samples from our adventures."

"I hope this isn't a Torchwood thing that women pick up on," Wren said worriedly. "I don't know enough about mucus, and it was hard enough memorizing the sames of different flowers."

"I believe your hair is slimy enough that a woman wouldn't care," Lisa commented, giving Wren a once-over as she spoke. "Assuming your theory has credence."

"Enough, you two," Ianto ordered, though Jack was smirking at their banter.

"Tosh," Jack said, turning his attention back to their computer expert. "I'd like for you to analyze a sample we found earlier today near the Tower Hamlet Sixth Level Academy."

Tosh accepted the sample from Jack without a word using one hand. Her other hand was flying across the keyboard in front of her, typing at inhuman speed. "What have you got for me this time?" she asked, as a slot on one of the towers opened to accept the sample dish. "I hope it's not another Huon energy wild goose chase."

Jack's smirk faded briefly. "Not this time," he replied as Tosh placed the Petri dish into the slot.

"Good," Tosh said, oblivious to Jack's shift in mood, "because the last one gave my system a nasty virus. I had to spend the whole day disinfecting."

"First time that's ever happened," Jack muttered.

"I have no doubt of that," Ianto chimed in.

The slot retracted back into Tosh's console, who refrained from commenting further. "Does he feel the need to flirt with everyone?" Lisa asked Ianto bluntly as Tosh's system went to work. "Or is it only when I'm around."

"I think you're just jealous that he doesn't bring you anything for your computer slots," Wren whispered to Lisa, who gave him a withering look in answer.

"I have analyzed the sample," Tosh interjected. "The substance is a bio-adhesive."

"And?" Jack pressed.

"The computer is already searching through the Torchwood archives," Tosh informed, as numerous alien lifeforms flashed across the screens. "Done," she declared after a moment, before frowning. "This can't be right. There are no matches."

No one spoke. "Alright," Jack tried, breaking the silence. "So where did it come from?"

"According to my analysis, there is a fifty-two percent chance that the adhesive substance is of alien origin," said Tosh, squinting at the screen closest to her. "The scan indicates traces of human DNA, however, so I can't be certain."

Everyone but Jack frowned. "An alien hybrid," Jack offered, wearing an intrigued look.

"That's probable," said Tosh, as her fingers flew across the keyboard again. "The human DNA is easy to identify, but I am having no luck pin-pointing the exact species or origin of the unidentified half. According to my data search, however, it is highly unlikely that the remaining fifty-two percent is located anywhere on earth."

A light went off behind Jack's eyes. "That's it," he said, turning to Ianto, then Wren and Lisa. "That's the answer. Alien hybrids."

"Sorry," Ianto said, frowning, "but what's the answer exactly? Tosh just said that she hadn't identified the alien DNA yet."

"And you repeated her statement," Lisa threw in coldly.

"Remember the food?" Jack said, ignoring Lisa for the moment. "The synthetic hormones and the inhibitor shut-down drug? They're breeding half-human hybrids at that school."

Wren's eyes almost doubled in size. "You're serious?"

Lisa didn't seemed fazed at all by this bit of news. "That would explain the sealed-off dormitory level," she said to Jack. "And the unnecessary security. The dorm rooms are their breeding ground."

"They're letting students shag on school grounds?" The look of horror on Wren's face quickly gave way to one of fury. "How come I can't get enrolled there?"

Before Ianto or Jack could reply, Wren flew forward into the hardwood floor thanks to a casual smack to the back of the head courtesy of Lisa. Ianto frowned as Wren let out a low groan.

"Lisa," he chided.

"Sorry," she said, not sounding like it in the least.

"Help Wren off the floor," Jack ordered her, then added as she knelt down, "And try not to hurt him in the process."

"Right," Ianto added. "I don't think he could survive another blow to the head."

"Or another landing on the floor," said Tosh, watching as the prongs on Wren's robotic hand twitched.

"Let me go. I'm fine," Wren insisted as he stood up, pushing Lisa away.

"Hold still, Wren," Tosh told him as a bright light encased him momentarily.

Wren froze as a diagram of the human male skull, flashing bright red in the back, appeared on one of Tosh's computer monitors. "You have mild swelling in the rear cranial region," she informed him, studying the results of her scan. "I suggest you pay a visit to the infirmary at once."

"Right then," Wren muttered. "I'd better go before the cyber-woman does any more damage to me."

"Try not to make any jokes at Novice Thomasina," Ianto warned. "You wouldn't want her scratching you on top of everything else."

Wren groaned at the thought. "I just hope she's cleared up her hairball problem," he grunted, before stumbling out the door.

"Lisa," Jack said, bringing them back on track once Wren was gone. "You said you found the sample in the alley."

"And on the wall," she added, staring unflinchingly back at Jack again. "It was in both places."

"That was the same area where the boy I RetConned yesterday wandered off toward," Ianto said. "Could it be a coincidence?"

"The universe is full of coincidences," Jack replied.

"It was the alley where I chased the student," Lisa informed. Her eyes deliberately avoided looking Ianto directly in the face when she spoke.

"Where you lost the student," Ianto corrected, noticing.

Lisa did look at him then. "Correct," she said stiffly. "Where I lost the student after chasing him into the alley."

"So you lose sight of him, then find a sticky residue of unknown alien origin on your way back through," Jack finished. "A student who is most likely the result of an alien-human hybrid breeding program."

"Would the RetCon have worked on him?" Ianto asked as he remembered the shocked expression on the boy's face.

"No idea," Jack said. "But I think it would be best if we got into the top floor of that school, and the sooner the better."

"Understood," said Lisa. "I can infiltrate the compound's sealed basement in short order."

Tosh, Ianto, and Jack all looked surprised.

"If you could do that, why didn't you earlier today?" Jack wondered.

"I was told to remain undercover," she told him dryly. "The door would have been easy enough to tear off the hinges, but there was a high probability of it setting off several alarms, and giving our positions away."

Jack and Ianto looked at each other. "Of course," Jack said. "Good call on that one."

"Anything else would have been illogical," Lisa said, giving Jack a once-over. "Just like your jacket."

"Hey!" Jack said sharply. "Don't diss the jacket. It's a classic."

"I find your taste in fashion quite bizarre."

"Lisa," Ianto warned. "Don't be rude."

"I think you should give her detention," Jack advised, suddenly wearing his playful expression again.

Ianto's face fell. "Please don't help me right now," he begged.

"That is not necessary," she said, turning around. "I have no need to be detained, and I suspect Ianto would rather be put in detention with you, anyway."

Ianto watched, wearing a pained expression, as Lisa left, closing the door behind her. "That was certainly an unusual metaphor," Tosh muttered to herself.

"Nice to see we're all getting along so well," Jack said ruefully.

"Must you provoke her?" Ianto demanded, looking angrily at him now. "That was very unprofessional."

"Anger is a natural human emotion," Jack countered, sitting down on the very edge of Tosh's desk. "No matter how much Lisa tries to deny it, she has anger inside of her. If we can reach that, we'll be one step closer to reaching her humanity."

"Or risk getting torn apart by an angry cyborg," Tosh warned, going back to her computer monitors before either of them could glare at her.

Ianto swallowed and looked back at Jack, who had a glint in his eye. "I am... grateful," he began slowly. "For what you've done... for her, for both of us. I just wish..."

"You wish things could have been different?" Jack offered.

Ianto looked back around at the door where Lisa had left. "Always," he said quietly. "Ever since the Battle of Canary Wharf, she hasn't been the same."

Ianto sighed, hearing his own words. "Lord, is that ever an understatement. I keep hoping she's still in there somewhere."

"She was converted," Jack insisted gently. "Officially, there's no going back from that. The only reason Lisa retains any of her emotions or old personality is because the Cybermen cut so many corners during her upgrade."

Ianto's lower lip trembled. "The Daleks," he said, and even to him, his voice sounded broken. "There were so many of them that the Cybermen needed more shock troops than they were able to produce."

Slowly, carefully, Jack reached out and circled his arms around Ianto's middle. Ianto didn't lean back into him, but didn't pull away either. Tosh, meanwhile, kept both eyes firmly on her monitors. She considered clearing her throat for a moment, but doubted Jack would care. Many times, the man acted as though having a private moment in front of someone was no big concern at all.

Honestly, it was like he had come from a whole other place in time.

"Her emotion inhibitor circuit was faulty," Jack was saying now. "No one had ever restored a victim of cyber conversion before, even partially. That she's here at all is a miracle by itself."

A tear rolled down Ianto's face. "You don't believe in miracles," he said, looking at Jack in an almost accusing way.

Jack pulled Ianto into him, holding the man tightly. "The universe is a miraculous place," he whispered in Ianto's ear.

Jack gave Ianto a squeeze, then turned away sharply. "Tosh," he said, making her jump. "You said that the surgery was a success. Has there been any unusual spikes in her brain activity."

Tosh's face burned read as she coughed, hoping neither Jack nor Ianto realized she'd been watching the both of them closely.

"Nothing worth mentioning," Tosh said, bringing up Lisa's file. "The program holding back her Cyberman personality is still intact. Without the emotion inhibitor, she should have full access to her memories and feelings. I still think the problem is primarily a psychological one."

Ianto swallowed the lump in his throat. "I had to drag her out of the building," he whispered softly. "All those months I hid her in my basement, I thought I was doing what was best."

Tosh stared up at Ianto sympathetically. "She kept wanting to go outside," he continued, hands shaking now. "I was terrified what might happen if somebody saw her."

"She just needs time," Tosh insisted, hoping to ease the broken look on Ianto's face somewhat. "Her real personality is still trapped inside there. If you keep at it, she'll begin emerging. It just isn't going to happen overnight."

Ianto's face all but crumbled at this. Jack went rigid as his partner on the field, and in other things, looked almost accusingly at him. Tosh, however, didn't notice. Her eyes were suddenly glued to the screen on her far right. Jack looked away from Ianto and noticed this.

"What is it, Tosh?"

"It's an intruder alert," Tosh said, showing them a screen shot taken by one of the security cameras surrounding Torchwood Academy.

Ianto and Jack both leaned in close to get a better look. "Strange," Jack said. "The perception filter should be blocking him from noticing the school as anything important."

"He looks familiar," Ianto said. "I could be wrong, but he looks like the student that was in the office earlier today."

"Could it be an equipment malfunction?" Jack asked.

"The equipment is working fine," Tosh insisted, and she sounded offended by the very idea. "There is something you might find interesting, though."

Tosh brought up a scan read-out on a different screen. "I've already run a scan," she said, pointing her finger at the results. "The trace sequences of hybrid DNA found in the bio-adhesive sample you brought me match with the DNA of our young guest perfectly."

Ianto looked at the young man on screen with renewed interest. "It's him, then?"

"My sensor readings don't lie," Tosh said proudly. "The Tower Hamlet Sixth Level student is the source of the bio-adhesive secretion."

"And now they've found us," Jack said grimly.

"I have already alerted Lisa and Madame Vastra," Tosh assured them as both men headed for the door. "Both are on their way to intercept right now, and Madame Vastra is bringing Myfanwy along with her."

"Thank you, Tosh," Jack said on his way out the door. "Keep monitoring the situation. I want to know everything that happens until we get there."

"I hope Myfanwy doesn't eat him before we have a chance to interrogate," Ianto said as the door shut.

Jack gave Ianto a look. "Let's hope Madame Vastra remembered to feed her, then."

{} {} {} {} {}

Leon peered around the side of the building at the Torchwood Academy. The place looked ancient, like something made over a century ago. The sight of the mansion made his skin crawl. Or rather, what little of it he could see.

The topmost portion was the only real part that was visible over the high brick wall surrounding it. Sharp spikes stuck upward on top of that, adding to the ominous vibe surrounding the place. It was hard to believe this was some kind of school.

Leon was still trying to rationalize being there. A part of him wanted to run home, to call his parents back in America. He wanted someone to explain what was happening to him. After escaping the girl that had been chasing him, Leon had sneaked back out of the alley, narrowly avoiding the boy that had been chasing him along with the girl. From behind a parked cab, he'd watched as they reconvened. Several minutes passed, with the duo just standing there idly watching the cars go past, before the Tower Hamlet receptionist showed up with another man in tow.

It was the bloke that had been shagging the receptionist in the empty classroom before. The sight of him so much closer sent shivers down Leon's spine. Against his better judgment, he'd followed them. It hadn't been easy, mind, since the four had left the area in a black SUV of some kind. Surprisingly, his body was able to keep up well enough. Apparently, whatever he was changing into, it was quite spry in addition to sticking to walls.

It had been easy enough. Too easy, really, and the more Leon thought about it, the more he wanted to see Stacy. Looking at the Torchwood place was hard, like his eyes wanted desperately to turn away. He wanted to hear from his parents back in America, and feel Stacy's arms around him. He wanted her to hear about what was happening to him, and hope she didn't think him mad.

Something wavered through the air, a peculiar scent brought by a sudden shift in the breeze that was blowing. Leon started to turn, and felt a hand grab him by the throat. The grip was like iron, and to his great shock, Leon felt himself lifted up off the ground.

The young black girl from before was looking up at him now, wearing a bored look on her face as the life was slowly squeezed out of him. Leon's body went rigid as what felt like electricity shot through him. The pain made his head scream.

It was over almost as quickly as it had began. Amazingly, he was still alive, and hadn't passed out.

"That would have disabled an ordinary human," she said coldly. "You clearly are not that. Adjust shock levels accordingly and discharge again."

Leon's eyes flew open. Bringing his feet up, he shoved them as hard as he could down at the girl, freeing himself. Her fingers slipped off his throat, breaking the hold she had on him, and leaving him to fall. Before he hit the ground, Leon managed to right himself, and landed in a crouched position.

"Maybe another time," he said, leaping back away from her.

Leon charged for the wall separating the Torchwood Academy, and jumped into it with his fingers splayed out like a frog's. The tips gripped at the gaps between the layers for a moment, before slipping.

"Oh, come on," Leon pleaded as the girl's footsteps approached him from behind. "Cut me this one break and work already!"

In answer, he felt a slight tingling in the tips before they held in place. Thrilled, Leon pushed himself further up with his legs, crawling toward the row of sharp-looking spikes as the girl came to a stop down below him on the ground.

Leon smiled down at her as he came to the top. "Better luck next time, then," he called out. "Bet you didn't see this one coming."

Leon's smile quickly became a frown as the girl's face lifted up off her skull. A metallic one with glowing eyes stared coldly at him while the face slid up on top of her head like some kind of cap. An antennae sprang up behind each of her ears, coming together to form a sort of half-square that framed the upper part of her head.

The girl pushed off the ground and flew past Leon, landing on top of the wall a few feet from where he clung.

Leon gulped. "Okay, I didn't see that one coming."

Something sprang out of the girl's right forearm. There was just enough time for Leon to register it as some type of a weapon; a laser blaster, though his mind was racing too fast to wonder how he knew that. Leon pushed away from the wall, allowing himself to fall back as the blast flew past where he'd been a second ago.

"Or that," he said, landing with a back-flip back on the ground.

Something screeched high overhead, getting his attention. Leon looked up as a figure swooped overhead. It looked like a giant bird, but as the thing came close, Leon's jaw dropped in horror as the pterodactyl closed in on him.

The creature's claws dug into his flesh through the material of his school uniform. Leon felt himself yanked from the earth into the air, and thrashed about helplessly.

"Let go of me," he demanded. "You oversized chicken. Go fall in a deep-fat fryer somewhere."

To his surprise, the beast did precisely that. Leon gasped as he felt gravity resume its hold over his body. Dropping like a stone to earth, he managed to right himself as the ground rushed up to him. For the second time that day, Leon managed to land on his feet. On autopilot, he rolled forward to alleviate some of the strain on his knees.

The shadow of the pterodactyl passed overhead as he stood up on his feet again. The robot girl was coming close, having dismounted off the wall. The blaster built into her arm was charged, and pointing at his chest.

Leon started to move, but froze when he felt cold, sharp steel brush ever so slightly against his neck.

"It will be best if you did not move," a woman's voice hissed. "I am ever so hungry, and would hate to deprive Myfanwy of her own prize."

Leon blinked. "Who?"

The woman was just outside his line of sight. As the robot girl approached, she pointed upward just as the pterodactyl made yet another pass.

"Myfanwy," Leon said, feeling like the world had officially gone mad. "You named a pterodactyl 'Myfanwy'. How is there a pterodactyl flying around Canary Wharf in the first place?"

"It fell through the Rift."

The woman holding the katana to his throat moved just enough so that Leon could see her. "As did I," she finished, smiling at the fear in his eyes.

Leon gulped, unable to look away. She was like a reptile. Not a snake exactly, but definitely something akin to a lizard. Behind him, the robot girl was charging her arm blaster again.

"Shall I fire?" she asked coldly.

Leon's body reacted before he could think about what a bad idea moving was. In the space of a heartbeat, he was flipping backward away from the sword and out of the robot girl's line of sight. At the same time, his foot kicked out, touching the flat side of the blade and kicking it high in the air.

The lizard woman snarled, baring her teeth at him. The robot girl opened fire, but Leon ducked in time, and charged straight for the lizard. This was the last thing either of them had expected Leon to do, but at this point, he was moving strictly on adrenaline, and there wasn't time to argue. The lizard woman recoiled slightly, giving him just enough time to somersault over her shoulders and race for the grounds behind the mansion.

Leon dove into a grove of trees and out of sight. "This has got to be some kind of dream," he gasped, once his body rolled to a stop next to a hydrangea bush. "I really, really need this to be a dream right now."

"'Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.'"

The unexpected male voice was coming from overhead. Leon jumped up off the ground and searched the tree branches above him. Not far away, hanging upside down by his feet, which were shaped like a monkey's, was an incredibly stout and hairy man with a huge sloping forehead. A pair of glasses framed his face, and the Nook that he held in one hand was upside down as well.

"Edgar Allan Poe," the freakish man finished.

"Right," Leon mumbled fearfully.

Stumbling backward, Leon found himself falling through the bushes and directly into the path of a handsome-looking young man. A collar adorned his neck, marking him as a clergyman.

"Vicar Bray!"

Both of them turned to see the lizard woman and robot girl coming around the grove of trees. The robot girl had her arm blaster out, and the lizard woman had retrieved her katana.

"I was attempting to enjoy a quiet afternoon with _The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket_," the freakish man with the sloping forehead said irritably as he stepped out of the grove into the sunlight. "What seems to be the trouble here?"

"That youngling is an intruder," the lizard woman declared.

"Please remain still while I render you unconscious," the robot girl said, aiming her blaster at his chest.

"Please, wait!" the vicar called out, but the robot girl had already fired.

Leon dodged, which only encouraged the robot girl to fire more. As he moved out of the way, he noticed a swirling purple cloud rise up from the ground and surround the vicar. A moment later, he was gone, replaced by a giant buzzing wasp.

Before Leon could run, two more women were coming up behind him, cutting off his escape.

"What's going on?" the younger of the two asked, looking across from Leon at the lizard woman. "M'lady?"

The lizard woman looked from her to the slightly older one standing at her side, and scowled in anger.

"The situation is well in hand," she insisted, and it sounded like a challenge.

"Doesn't look much that way," the older of the two said, before pulling out a revolver that looked old enough to belong in a museum.

The lizard woman scoffed. "Typical," she mocked, turning her nose up at the gun. "In a time of crisis, you turn to barbaric weapons."

The younger woman sight. "Please, Vastra," the younger begged. "There's no call for this."

The lizard woman, apparently called Vastra, looked down at once in shame. "She's right," said a new voice, this one coming from the building. "There's no reason for violence."

Leon turned to see a man dressed in a long coat coming across the grass toward him with two more in tow. The receptionist from Tower Hamlet was with him, along with the dark-skinned man with cornrows and metal arm thing. Up close, the last one looked to be about his age.

"Leon Cameron," the man in the long-coat said.

The smile on his face never quite reached his eyes, Leon saw. Up close, the chill from before returned in full force. Something about the man was dangerous. It was like Leon could smell it coming off him.

"How do you know my name?" he demanded.

The man didn't answer. "I'm Captain Jack Harkness," he said, introducing himself. "Mind telling me what you're doing here?"

Leon's eyes drifted to the young man in cornrows. He was holding his robotic hand up now, and between the prongs, the barrel of what looked to be some sort of gun was extending out.

"Welcome to Torchwood Academy," the young man named Wren said. "I hope you brought your tardy slip."


	2. Higher Learning -- Episode 2

Torchwood Academy:

Higher Education

Episode 2

Survival of the Fittest

(Part 2)

by That Long-Haired Creepy Guy

Leon kept his hands raised, and his eyes on the man called Captain Jack Harkness.

There was a killer robot girl standing nearby holding up a laser blaster that extended out of her forearm. The young man his age named Wren also had him in his sights. The giant wasp from before had landed back on the ground, and morphed in a cloud of purple smoke back into the handsome young vicar from before.

The younger of the two women behind him was holding a sword now, of a similar make to the katana the lizard woman named Vastra wielded. The other, slightly older one, was still aiming her revolver at Leon's head. Leon noticed that her clothing seemed out of place, just like the captain's was. Each one was dressed as though they'd come from a different era. The older woman's clothing would not have looked out of place in an Indiana Jones film. The goggles she wore on top of her head made Leon think she might be some type of pilot.

Now that his brain was catching up to everything around him, the younger woman next to her was dressed like an old Victorian maid. The katana-wielding lizard woman's attire was out of place, also, different in style, but from the same era as the other swordwoman.

Of course, now was quite possibly the worst time for Leon to notice things like that. He was trapped behind four walls of solid stone inside the courtyard of a very ominous-looking mansion, and surrounded by creatures out of horror movies. Overall, Leon could not imagine a worse scenario for himself where he was more cosmically screwed.

Oh, and a pterodactyl was lurking somewhere high up overhead. Leon nearly slapped himself for forgetting that part.

Yet his eyes never left the captain for more than a second.

The hairy, sloping-forehead bloke with hands for feet was observing the scenario as though he found the whole thing hysterical. In fact, it looked like he was fighting not to laugh.

"Okay," the man called Captain Jack said, taking a couple of steps forward. "Mind telling me what you're doing here?"

Leon took a very deep breath, hoping it might help calm him down some. "I was looking for something," he said nervously.

"Oh yeah?" The one called Wren stared across the gap separating them. "Like what?"

"Answers," Leon replied plainly, figuring he had nothing to lose. "Ever since last night, when I woke up in the rain, it's like there are these blank spots in my mind."

Jack's eyes grew darker, but Leon kept going. "It's like whole chunks of my life aren't there anymore. Everything feels kind of vague, but no one seems to think its a big deal. I get chased through the streets because I caught those two lurking near the school basement, and suddenly, I'm sticking to walls."

Leon gave the robot girl and the one called Wren a nod for emphasis. The one called Wren frowned, then, as if struck by something odd.

"There's something different about you," he said. "Something different about your face."

"Right," Leon said. "And I also somehow got a different face this morning."

"Nothing there I would complain about," Jack complimented.

This made Leon blush.

"Not now, Captain," Vastra chided, giving him a look.

"I want to know what's happening to me," Leon insisted, looking back and forth at the different faces surrounding him. "I thought someone here might have an answer, so I followed you."

"On foot?" Ianto spoke up questioningly.

"I ran," Leon replied.

"We were riding in a custom-made SUV," Jack countered, the skepticism in his voice clear. "A normal human being couldn't keep up with anything like that."

Leon froze up at Jack's words, catching the hint in them. "It doesn't look like I'm normal," he worked out after a moment. "Not anymore."

"Or," Jack offered reluctantly, holding up his left wrist. "Not ever. I think a quick scan is in order."

"What?" Leon tried to back up, but the woman with the revolver was behind him in a flash, holding the gun into his spine. "Easy," he told her, as the sloping-forehead man frowned. "I just want to make sure I'm not going to get probed."

"Not right now," Jack said, glancing up at Leon while the strange-looking watch on the captain's wrist beeped. "Sometime later on, though..."

The one named Ianto frowned hard. "By who, exactly?"

Jack didn't answer. "I'm definitely picking up alien life readings," he said, lowering his arm to look Leon squarely in the face now. "What kind, though, is still a mystery. I think we may need to visit Tosh and see what she has to say."

"You never did answer my question," Ianto pointed out insistently.

"Later," Jack muttered out the corner of his mouth.

Leon, meanwhile, was starring wide-eyed at Jack. "There's an alien inside of me," he said slowly, growing more horrified by the second. "Oh god, this is going to be like that old film with Sigourney Weaver, isn't it? Something's going to come blowing out of my chest."

"Shall I stun him?" Lisa asked, speaking directly to Jack and Ianto.

"Maybe just a little," Jack recommended.

"Sir," Ianto protested.

"I said 'a little', didn't I?"

"Could you stun the two of them instead?" Wren wondered, rolling his eyes. "They're starting to do their 'old married couple' bit again."

Lisa turned back to Jack and Ianto. "I think that would be counter-productive," the female pilot woman behind Leon warned, though her voice was vaguely teasing.

"'Peace cannot be achieved through violence,'" the sloping-forehead man warned. "'It can only be achieved through understanding.' Ralph Waldo Emerson."

"Well spoken," the vicar complimented.

"Do I get a say in this?" Leon asked, looking at Wren now.

"No," Lisa replied flatly.

"Why not?" he demanded.

"Let us hear what the boy has to say," the vicar suggested. "What harm could come from it? It isn't like we haven't dealt with this problem before."

"And yet," Vastra countered warningly. "It continues to be a problem."

"Look," Leon tried, "I really did just want some answers."

"No one here is Sigourney Weaver," Jack began, sounding impatient. "Believe me, if they were, I would have found out about it by now. Nothing is going to explode out of your chest, as far as my readings can tell. And no, there isn't an alien inside of you."

"Ah," Leon said, looking relieved. "So, what's happening to me, then?"

"Nothing," replied Jack, wearing a severe expression again. "As far as I can tell, there are no abnormalities inside your body. No presence of another alien lifeform."

"Thank god."

"You're a perfectly healthy alien hybrid," Jack finished.

"Good."

Jack's words clicked in Leon's brain the moment he spoke. "Wait," he blurted out. "I am, what?"

"You're the half-alien hybrid that's been leaving sticky goop all over Cardiff for us to step in," Jack stated plainly.

"Given that he's a teenager, I suppose we shouldn't be surprised," Ianto threw in.

"Hey!" Wren spoke out, looking suitably embarrassed right alongside Leon.

"His reasoning has merit," Lisa pipped up in an even drier tone than usual. "I have seen your bedsheets."

Jack and Ianto both looked toward a humiliated Wren, then exchanged looks with one another. "Maybe we should continue this inside," Ianto offered.

"Just so long as you're making coffee," Jack told him, smiling.

Very slowly, Leon raised one finger to signal their attention. "Could the nice woman behind me take the revolver off my spine now?" he asked, glancing back toward her.

"Arms down," Jack ordered her. "But keep a close eye on him."

Jack searched Leon up and down for a moment before motioning him to follow. "Come on in," he said. "We'll give you the guided tour."

Leon stayed where he was as the rest of the motley crew moved toward the back doors of the mansion.

"Move," the woman behind him ordered, jabbing him in the back. "Or I'll shove something worse than a gun into your back."

Leon kept one eye on the sky the whole time he followed the group toward the heavy-looking set of double doors, just in case the pterodactyl came back for another go at him.

The back door led to a long corridor lined with hardwood floors, rich old paneling on the walls, and very little maneuvering room. Everyone wound up forming a line, following after the captain like some sort of oddball parade. The one called Captain Jack led them straight down the narrow hallway, past numerous rooms and several turn-offs. Leon tried to get a glimpse at what was down them, but the pilot woman coming up from behind would smack the back of his head each time he tried.

The hallway eventually spilled out into a grand entrance area belonging on the set of a historical period film. Around them were two sets of cascading stairs. Captain Jack had already come to a stop, facing the late-comers now with both arms crossed behind his back.

The others had spilled out around him, taking point on all sides. Leon realized they were keeping him caged on all sides in case he tried something, and the thought occurred to him that they must have done that sort of thing before.

"This is Torchwood Academy," Jack began.

Leon looked the extravagant room over. "How can it be a school if there are only two students?" he wondered.

"It's just a name Jack likes to use," Ianto informed, looking wryly at Jack. "Torchwood was originally an institute created to protect the British Empire from extra-terrestrial threats."

"Until a little over a year ago, when Torchwood One was destroyed during the Battle of Canary Wharf," Wren picked up, keeping the barrel in his robotic hand out. "Torchwood Two is run by some nutter, and Torchwood Four's disappeared for some reason."

"Who's telling this story?" Jack reprimanded in mock anger.

"Sorry, sir," Wren apologized, though he smirked as soon as Jack looked away.

Some of the others snickered. "To make a long story short," Jack said, watching Leon closely. "Cardiff is built over a rift in time and space. Things wash up here all the time, so Torchwood built a station here to handle things."

Jack's face darkened for a moment. "Some things happened," he went on, more slowly. "And I was left in charge. After the debacle at Torchwood One, I had the original Torchwood Institute dismantled and brought here to Cardiff. Most of the members here are either time-displaced victims of the Rift, or aliens who ended up being in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Leon looked around at the mix of faces. "So everyone here is an alien?"

"Not everyone," Vastra contradicted disdainfully.

"Madame Vastra is a Silurian," Jack explained, "a species that evolved alongside humanity, then retreated underground. She and her partner Jenny over there worked as private investigators during the late Victorian period, until the Rift got a little jumpy and coughed them up in the twenty-first century."

Leon looked back at the young woman in the maid outfit. "You're from the late eighteen-hundreds?"

Jenny nodded. "I'm afraid so, young sir."

"Gunther over there is a bit of a mystery," Jack went on, gesturing to the sloped-forehead man, who was currently hanging from the railing of the staircase on Leon's left. "We think he was a missing link. He showed up on the South Wales coast not long after Madame Vastra and Jenny arrived."

"'The world is a book, and those that do not travel read only a page,'" Gunther quoted cheerfully. "Saint Augustine."

Jack smirked. "He does that a lot."

"Gunther manages the Torchwood Archives," Ianto filled in, "when he isn't quoting literature at everyone."

"This is Ianto Jones," Jack added, nodding toward Ianto. "He used to work for Torchwood One before it was shut down. I believe you've already met Lisa Hallett and Wren Porter."

Leon hesitated, then nodded at the robot girl and her cyborg-handed friend. "Yo," Wren said, while the robot girl named Lisa remained stoic. "Don't mind her. She's always like that."

"This is Vicar Bray," Jack cut in quickly. Leon noticed that Ianto Jones was looking toward Wren Potter with a glowering expression.

"Vicar Bray is a Vespiform from the Silfrax galaxy. He wound up attracting the ire of some angry villagers, so Torchwood offered him asylum."

"It's a pleasure meeting you, young sir," Vicar Bray said, smiling at Leon.

"Behind you," Jack finished off, "is Diane Holmes. She used to be a pilot. Sometime during nineteen fifty-three, the Rift got jumpy and caused a vortex to appear right in the middle of her flight path. She was the only survivor."

Diane gave Leon a wink as she twirled her revolver expertly. "You could say she's our bus driver," Jack added mirthfully.

"There's also Novice Thomasina," Ianto broke in again. "She's our resident nurse. I think she's taking a cat nap right now, though, so best we don't disturb her. And Toshiko Sato, our computer expert."

Leon's eyes wandered over the entrance hall again. "And all of you live here," he said. "And this is a school for aliens and time travelers."

"Pretty much," Jack replied, rocking back and forth merrily.

Everyone seemed to be waiting for Leon to react. "Okay," he said calmly, keeping a straight face. "I've somehow become half-alien, and I'm in a school for aliens. Somehow, that actually sounds appropriate."

"Come with us," Jack said, motioning for Leon to follow as he moved toward one of the stairs. "Ianto, Wren, Lisa, you three are with me. The rest of you, back to work. We'll handle things from here."

The others followed after Jack at once. Leon lingered behind, afraid now of being alone with any of them. Jenny approached him from behind, however, and placed a reassuring hand on his arm.

"Go with him," she urged, whispering softly in his ear. "No harm will come to you here."

Their eyes met for a moment, and Leon nodded. Feeling apprehension rising up from his stomach like bile, he took off after the others.

"Ordinarily," Jack said, once he'd caught up. "We'd give you the full tour, but a few problems have come up, so this will have to be a quick march. Down this hall are the private rooms for everyone here."

"It's a co-ed system," Wren whispered to Leon eagerly, giving him a thumbs up sign.

Jack heard, and gave Wren a cheeky grin. "I like to keep things casual around here," he said. "The old Torchwood was a little too stiff for my tastes."

Jack was leading them passed a number of doors now. Leon tried to look into the handful that were open, but the rest of the group was moving too fast. This wasn't the sort of place Leon wanted to get lost in, so he picked up the pace.

"This is our trophy room," Jack said, leading them through an expansive, rectangular room sporting an entrance on each side.

The room was full of cabinets and shelves, trophy casings of all shapes and sizes, and several framed objects.

"This is where we keep mementos of some of our missions," the captain explained. "Occasionally, Torchwood is asked to step in and handle matters that are too severe for the military or police. What you see here are a few of the more significant items we brought back with us."

Leon caught sight of something in a display case as they were passing through. Two metallic objects that resembled flashlights were placed underneath a glass casing, their heads facing diagonally away from each other, almost like a pair of dueling knives. Leon wanted to get a closer look, but the others were already moving along ahead of him.

"Around the corner and further up," Jack said, leading them out of the trophy room and down a hall, "are the stairs that lead up to the headmaster's office."

"He likes to think he's funny," Ianto muttered.

"Hey, I'm hilarious," Jack retorted, as all five of them began climbing up the set of spiral steps up to the very top of the mansion.

"Ianto appreciates your sense of humor," Lisa said stiffly.

The air in the stairwell cooled considerably at that statement. Leon stared back and forth between the two, wondering what he'd missed. Before he could risk asking, they had reached the top. Captain Jack opened the door without so much as knocking, and strode in like he owned the place.

"Hello again, Tosh," Jack announced. "Did you miss me while I was out?"

Over in a corner, Leon spotted a young woman of Japanese descent sitting behind a curved desk where it looked like six or seven flatscreen computer monitors had been set up. Had she not been standing when they entered, Leon would have missed seeing her. Around the desk and hanging on the back wall behind her were row after row of postcards. It looked like she had a collection going on for whatever the reason.

"Leon Cameron," Jack said, as they approached the work station. "I'd like for you to meet Toshiko Sato, our resident computer genius."

"Tosh is responsible for analyzing samples and monitoring anything that goes on inside Torchwood Academy," Ianto explained quickly. "She's the reason why we knew you had entered the premises."

"She also looks cute in those glasses," Jack added.

Tosh blushed at the compliment. "Careful, sir," Ianto warned. "That's sexual harassment."

Tosh smiled as she saw Leon. "Captain Jack likes to think he's clever that way," Tosh said, speaking to Leon specifically. "So this is the young man who broke in earlier. I overheard the noise downstairs, and was worried Vastra might have tried to eat him."

"She almost did," Jack told her.

Leon looked from Jack over to Lisa, then to Wren. "He's joking, right?" Leon asked, almost pleadingly.

"No," Lisa said flatly.

"I take it you're giving him the guided tour," Tosh said, taking a seat behind her desk. "Was there something you wanted me to show him?"

"I'm sure he'd appreciate anything you'd be willing to show him," Jack replied, still teasing. "But it'll have to wait until later. I'd like for you to do a comprehensive scan of Leon Cameron. We're having a little trouble pinpointing his species. Care to help us with that?"

"Certainly," Tosh said.

Leon flinched as a column of light shot down from the ceiling, encasing him. "Don't be scared," Tosh reassured him gently while her fingers pecked furiously at the keyboard. "This won't hurt a bit."

"Yeah," Jack said. "It even tingles a little if you stand a certain way."

Jack gave Ianto a smirk at this statement, making Ianto stiffen. "I've completed the scan," Tosh informed, interrupting their flirting. "The DNA is that of an alien hybrid, Jack. Just like you suggested. Approximately half the protein material is a match for that of a human."

A complete digital figure of Leon's DNA appeared as a hologram in front of Tosh's desk. "The DNA also matches that of the sample you brought me," she added, enlarging the hologram for all of them.

"How could this have happened though?" Leon wondered.

"Well, there's the usual way, mate," Wren suggested jokingly.

"That's always the best way," Jack said.

Lisa rolled her eyes. "Is there anything else, Tosh?" she asked, sounding annoyed by the duo.

"Yes," said Tosh. "With a complete copy of the DNA, the system was successful in identifying the alien half. As it turns out, I was wrong earlier. There is a match in the Archive."

"What?" Wren wondered. "How's that, then?"

"Half of the subject's DNA..."

"The subject has a name," Leon interrupted, growing very irritated now. "It's Leon Cameron."

"Right," said Tosh, giving Leon an apologetic look now. "Leon Cameron's DNA is a partial match with that of a C'thixithol parasite."

Captain Jack frowned. "Never heard of it," he said.

"My data records hold no information on that species, either," said Lisa.

Tosh decreased the window containing Leon's DNA strand, bringing a second one into full focus. Leon grimaced as the blue blob with pronged tendrils came into view. A hologram of the parasite appeared in mid-air as well next to the strand of DNA.

"According to this," Tosh said, reading from the computer screen. "C'thixithol parasites are rare shapeshifting, single-celled organisms from a solar system some three-hundred and fifty-two thousand light years away."

Tosh hit a few keys, dissolving both the parasite and DNA holograms to bring up a set of planets. "Out of the twenty-six planets that inhabit this system," she went on, "these lifeforms are only found on two. A being becomes infected when a C'thixithol parasite infiltrates a host by altering its single-cell structure to avoid detection. The parasite then secretes a bio-adhesive to stick to the host's cellular tissue."

"How would a human end up being part C'thixitholian," Ianto asked. "Or is it C'thixitholite?

"A human wouldn't," Tosh said. "At least, not according to my data. C'thixithol parasites do not spawn in a way that matches the human reproductive system. They undergo a form of cellular division every twenty-third planetary cycle."

"Sounds kind of boring," Jack retorted.

"So, what happened to me?" Leon pressed, ignoring Jack for the moment. "How did I end up being half- C'thixy... C'thixituu..."

" C'thixithol," Lisa told him.

"The DNA of a C'thixithol parasite would have a difficult time bonding with the human genome under ordinary circumstances," Tosh answered. "But given how in synch Leon Cameron's protein halves appear to be, it is my guess that he was artificially grown."

Jack's eyes lit up. "Of course," he said. "The breeding program at Tower Hamlet. They get students pregnant by drugging their food with substances that compel the teenagers to procreate, then remove the fertilized zygotes, and attach a C'thixithol parasite inside a contained environment."

Leon felt as though he had been struck by a sledgehammer in the gut. "Your hypothesis appears valid," Tosh said, bringing up a list of Tower Hamlet students, "if a bit rushed. Given the number of disappearances, and the number of times each batch of students were replaced, it stands to reason that the hybrids are being grown in a manner of weeks via some form of cellular enhancement process."

"Weeks?" Leon croaked out quietly.

"Why would their test subjects disappear?" Lisa asked, only mildly curious.

"Rejects," Jack replied, his voice growing cold. "Every project has its failures to account for. What we have here is a whole new race, and there are always false starts with that sort of thing."

Leon felt the blood rush from his face.

"Someone's playing God with alien technology," said Ianto. "Don't people ever get tired of doing that?"

"Apparently not," replied Jack, while Leon sank to his knees.

"It was all a lie," Leon whispered. "My life... but I remember things. I remember that I was from America. I remember..."

Leon felt his breathing grow ragged. The room was spinning now, and the voices from the room's other occupants were blending together. One of them might have said he name, but Leon couldn't be sure. A foul taste was filling his mouth. Leon felt his stomach heave, then bile rose up his throat, spilling out of his mouth onto the floor.

His stomach was empty in a manner of seconds. Someone grabbed his shoulders, but Leon swung wildly, knocking them away.

"It can't be," he gasped, blood rushing in his ears. "None of it was real. I was never born in America. I don't have parents."

His head pounded now with the throbbing rhythm of his racing heartbeat. "I've only been alive for a few weeks. Everything before that... why was it in my head? What else did they put in my head? How come I still can't remember?"

Somehow, he got up off the floor to his feet. Leon's whole body felt like it was vibrating. One minute, his clothes were stretched to their limit trying to fit around him. The next, they felt loose. The others were watching, looking horrified.

All but the robot girl.

"What's..." Leon began, as his hands darkened to the same shade as Wren's.

"Happening..." They were as big as Captain Jack's now.

"To..." The fingers shifted right in front of his eyes to a slender, more feminine style.

"Me!"

"Okay," he heard Ianto say, as his body shifted again. "That's not funny."

Stumbling backward, Leon saw in the reflection of Tosh's monitor that he was wearing Ianto Jones's face now. "Tosh," Jack said loudly, watching Leon as though he might attack at any moment. "Care to explain?"

Tosh was staring at Leon alarmed, but snapped out of her trance the minute Jack spoke. "My guess is that since he is part C'thixithol," Leon heard Tosh say, "he's inherited certain genetic traits, one of which appears to be the ability to shapeshift down to a cellular level."

Jack smiled thoughtfully as Leon felt his body shift yet again. "Interesting," he mused. "So what's happening now?"

Tosh punched in a few key commands, initiating another scan.

"Leon Cameron's heart rate, blood pressure, and synaptic impulses are very high at this time," she replied, while Leon took several deep breaths to calm himself, slowly melting back to his old body. "I suspect that he can't maintain a stable form while under such duress."

"Should I RetCon him?" Ianto asked Jack worriedly. "Just so he doesn't do anything to hurt himself, or one of us?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Jack replied. "My hunch is the RetCon was responsible for his program glitching."

"Right," Wren said, looking at Leon with some sympathy. "RetCon is tailored for human cells."

"His body may have tried to shift into something closer to human in the hopes of stopping the adverse reaction he was having," Lisa said. "But the result wiped his memory clean, except for a few random pieces."

"And then his brain tried to put together what little was left to make sense out of everything," finished Jack.

"I'm standing right here!" Leon screamed.

Everyone save Lisa flinched. "Apologies," Ianto said, while the others looked back and forth at each other.

"There was no need to shout," Lisa scolded.

Leon's eyes blazed as he settled on her nonchalant form. "The hell there isn't," Leon spat. "I just found out that everything I thought was true about me had been made up. I'm not a person. I'm just a lab rat someone cooked up as a joke."

Something flickered in her face for a split second. "I..." Leon gasped. "I've got to get out of here. I've got to..."

"Where do you think you'll go?" Jack asked him quickly. "By this point, they're probably aware that you left school grounds without permission. Chances are, they'll be looking for you."

"Well, I can't stay here!" Leon fired back.

"Actually," Ianto said in a very soothing tone. "You can."

Leon waited, thinking there was surely another shoe just waiting to drop. "What?" he finally asked, when no one made a sound.

"Torchwood Academy is a place for non-terrestrial beings like yourself," Jack reminded him, "as well as humans with unusual skills or abilities. You could stay here if you wanted."

Leon looked each of them square in the face.

"What?"

{} {} {} {} {}

"That's that, then, sir."

Ianto stood up off the floor with the squirt bottle of carpet cleaner in his hand. "The rug's clean at last," he told Jack, who was busy perched on the corner of his own desk set near the other end of the observatory, deep in thought.

"I had to use a mixture of soda water, vinegar, and baking soda to get the stain out."

Jack didn't answer.

"Apparently, Mr. Cameron's vomit shares the same adhesive property as the sample of bodily fluid you find," Ianto went on, well aware that he was being ignored.

"Yeah," Jack mused quietly to himself.

"The rug is clean now, though," Ianto finished, standing directly in front of Harkness now. "So, if there's nothing else, I'd like to strip naked, maybe go for a nude jog along the wharf, then go hunt down Tosh and ask if she felt like tossing me off."

Jack smiled, and looked Ianto directly in the eye. "Thank you, Ianto," Jack said meaningfully. "What would I do without you?"

"Replace me with an upright handi-vac from Saturn, I suppose," Ianto quipped.

Both men smiled at each other. "Before you go," said Jack, sliding down off the corner of his desk slowly. "There is one other thing I was hoping you'd be willing to take care of."

"What's that, sir?"

Ianto blanched as Jack reached out with one hand, grabbing him by his tie, and yanking him forward. The spray bottle and rag in Ianto's hands hit the floor as Jack threw him onto his back on top of his desk. Papers scattered as Jack leered down at him hungrily while stripping out of his long coat.

"Here, sir?" Ianto wondered, looking startled.

"Tosh will just have to wait her turn when she gets back from helping show Leon around," Jack ribbed, buttoning down his shirt. "You and I have some unfinished business to see to."

Ianto blushed as the memory of them in the classroom at Tower Hamlet came rushing back to him.

"The poor physics teacher," he said, as Jack's pants hit the floor. "I thought the woman was going to have heart palpitations."

"That's why I always have you carry the RetCon pen," Jack set, kicking his pants away as he stepped forward.

Against his will, a sigh escaped through Ianto's lips as he felt Jack's body glide over his own like butter on toast. Jack's hands laced through his, bringing Ianto's arms up over his head. The captain then raked his fingers down over the fabric of his suit, kneading at the muscles lurking underneath, before loosening his collar.

Soon, Ianto's shirt was lying wide open. The cool air of the office brushed over his nipples, making them harden. Ianto moaned into Jack's mouth as he felt Jack's thumbs brush over his chest in concentric circles.

Ianto tried to speak, but with Jack's mouth pressed so tightly against his, all that came out with a garbled mumble.

"What?" Jack whispered in his ear impatiently.

The tickling sensation it caused made Ianto bite down on his lower lip. "Tosh," he nodding toward the open door.

Jack looked toward the door, then grinned back down at Ianto mischievously. "Let her watch," Jack said, enjoying the look of embarrassment on Ianto's face. "Assuming she gets back in time. Who knows? She might actually learn something."

"That's a distressing thought," Ianto managed to get out before Jack's mouth came back down on his.

Ianto couldn't think after that, in spite of his best efforts. It was Jack's hands; they were everywhere at once, it felt like. The man's kisses left him breathless, yet aching on the inside for more. Ianto didn't try to stop him when Jack raised both his legs.

Ianto gripped the sides of the desk as Jack moved down. His breath came in quick gasps the whole time he felt Jack's tongue moving. It was torture, but Ianto never begged him to stop. He suspected Jack would have liked that, but it was beyond his ability to speak. The world went white, stars exploded in his mind, and he barely registered it when Jack crawled his way back up.

Jack braced both arms on either side of Ianto's head. "Open your eyes," he commanded, bending his head down until they were face to face.

Ianto's eyes flew open.

"Good boy," Jack praised, as he pushed his hips forward. "Just keep your eyes on me, Ianto."

Ianto hissed once as he felt Jack push through. "Jack," he cried out, as racing chills cascaded up and down his body.

"It's alright, Ianto," Jack whispered, moving in a slow, steady rhythm now. "It's alright."

Their bodies moved together like the ebb and flow of the ocean tide. Ianto released his grip on the desk and flung his arms around Jack's neck, dragging him down so that their mouths connected. Ianto lifted both legs and secured them around Jack's waist. The combined movement caused Jack to lunge forward, driving him deeper inside Ianto, who cried out around his boss's lips.

Sweat rained down off their bodies as they moved together, riding the wave of passion that left each man bereft of air. When Jack came, it was with a roar that filled the whole room. Ianto was right behind him, and sent his release splashing all over Jack's stomach and chest.

The top of the desk was slick with their combined sweat as Jack rolled off Ianto, sending more of his stuff falling to the floor.

"This is why I don't keep important stuff on my desk," Jack said, making Ianto laugh.

"I imagine it would get expensive after a while," he noted, which made Jack chuckle right along with him.

"Actually," said Jack, after a very brief reprieve of silence. "There was an incident with one of my superiors where a bomb was accidentally armed. He wasn't able to look his commanding officer in the eye for a year after that."

Ianto frowned. "Fascinating, sir."

Jack wasn't done giving Ianto a hard time. "I thought so," he teased.

Ianto's face burned bright red, but Jack hardly seemed fazed. Hopping down off the desk, Jack calmly reached down to retrieve his pants as Ianto watched. The sight was enough to make him blush an even deeper shade of red. Looking around, he searched the floor for his own clothes.

"Here," Jack said, picking Ianto's suit up off the floor. "There you go."

As Ianto accepted his clothes, the watch on Jack's wrist began beeping. "Duty calls," Jack said, giving Ianto a heated look as he let out a long sigh.

Ianto dressed quickly as Jack pressed a button on the vortex manipulator. "Yes, Tosh?" Jack asked. "We were just talking about you a moment ago."

Ianto cleared his throat stiffly and began buttoning his shirt back up. "Jack," Toshiko's voice said loudly in the room. "I just found Lisa inside the trophy room. She's alright, but it looks as though someone attacked her."

Ianto's eyes widened in alarm. "I'm going down there," he said, heading for the door despite not being fully dressed.

"Right behind you," Jack said, picking the rest of his clothes up off the floor. "Tosh, we'll be there in two clicks. Unless she's been badly damaged, don't move Lisa until I get there. Ianto is already on his way."

"I think she's alright," Tosh told him. "It looks like she's rebooting now."

"Keep your distance," he warned, bringing the coat up over his shoulders. "There's a chance her Cyberman programming could resurface. Try not to let Ianto get too close once he gets there. I'm heading out now."

Jack burst through the office door and took the spiral stairs two steps at a time.

"Alien tech from all over the galaxy," he grumbled. "Weapons of unimaginable power, and I still have to take the stairs."

Jack grunted as he reached the bottom. "There is something very wrong with that."

Ianto was already in the trophy room when Jack arrived. Tosh was trying to keep him back as Lisa slowly rose up off the floor. Tosh looked around, and despite still being far away, Jack could see the fear in her eyes. Seeing her distracted, Ianto brushed past her and moved to help Lisa up the rest of the way.

"She's fine," he insisted, almost accusingly. "She's was only out for a second."

Tosh looked at the approaching Jack apologetically. "It's fine," Ianto told her, before turning his attention to the now-rebooted Lisa. "Lisa, can you hear me?"

Lisa's artificial eyelids blinked. "I can hear you," she said softly. "All systems are functioning normal. No signs of Cyberman programming reassertion."

"I never asked you that," Ianto told her pointedly.

"I was aware of that," she replied. "But you were worried. There is a high probability that this is why Toshiko tried to restrain you."

The discomfort in the room was thick enough to breath in. "Right," Jack said, avoiding Ianto's gaze for the time being. "What happened?"

"I was attacked," Lisa said, "by Leon Cameron. I was showing him the rest of the Academy per your instructions. He professed a desire to see the trophy room more thoroughly, and began asking questions about the Smart Guns once we were here."

Everyone turned to where she was pointing. "He then tried to take them," she finished. "That was when I attempted to stop him."

Jack looked down at Lisa solemnly. "So much for our new student," he muttered. "I'm glad you weren't hurt."

"Your concern is unnecessary," she replied calmly.

"I only left for a moment," Tosh said, getting their attention. "Novice Thomasina sent me a message about dinner tonight, so I thought it would be alright if I left them alone for a minute."

"It was a reasonable assumption," Lisa said, taking Tosh's side. "It did not occur to either of us that Leon Cameron would be able to overpower me temporarily."

"Jack," Ianto said, getting his attention. "Those Smart Guns never worked. We framed them because you said they were calibrated to respond only to the cell structure of a certain alien species."

"I suspect our young friend already knows this," Jack told him, still watching Lisa closely. "Did you inform him of that before he stole them, Lisa?"

"Yes," Lisa answered.

"Lucky thing they weren't charged," Ianto mused.

Jack scowled. "As if I would leave dangerous weapons just lying around for anyone to come through and pick up at their leisure," he snapped.

"He knows where to find spare batteries," Lisa said. "He asked that question first."

"It's alright," Ianto insisted, touching Lisa's shoulder tenderly. "We'll take care of it."

Jack was already pressing a button on his vortex manipulator. "Tosh," he ordered. "I need you to do a comprehensive scan of everyone on the grounds. Find Leon Cameron for me."

Tosh was already leaving the room for the stairs up to the office she and Jack shared. A moment later, her voice came through on Jack's vortex manipulator. "The scan just completed," Tosh said. "There is no sign of Leon Cameron anywhere in the parameter."

"He's already left the school," Ianto said. "That was fast. Where do you suppose he's going, though?"

"Tosh, do a sweep of the city," Jack ordered into the vortex manipulator. "He's a brand-new lifeform. Locating him shouldn't be that difficult in a place full of mostly twenty-first century humans."

"I've already located him, Jack," Tosh replied. "He is headed in the direction of Tower Hamlet."

"He's armed," Ianto said, holding Lisa close. "And he's going back to school."

Ianto paused, then. "Why, though?" he wondered.

"Nothing good, I'd wager," Jack said, moving for the door. "Signal Wren and tell him to meet us in the hanger. I want Holmes prepping the bus for launch in ten. We're moving out."

Jack stopped at the library doors when he saw that Ianto hadn't left Lisa's side. "Tosh, get back down here and escort Lisa to Novice Thomasina so she can look her over," he said through the com link in his manipulator. "Then go back to your work station and keep tracking Cameron. Whenever he is, I want to know."

Jack looked over at Ianto, who hadn't moved. "Ianto, you're with me."

Ianto looked down into Lisa's face regretfully as Toshiko arrived. "Jones!" Jack barked. "With me, now!"

Tosh gave Ianto's hand a squeeze. "I'll look after her," she promised him, before gently pulling Lisa out of his grip. "Go."

It only took a few minutes for them to reach the hanger. Wren was already waiting, tapping his foot impatiently against the concrete floor. Not far away was the Torchwood 'bus', as Jack liked to call it. Diane Holmes was on board already, and had begun the launch sequence.

Everyone piled aboard the Chula warship and strapped themselves in. Wren took a seat opposite Jack and Ianto, who was avoiding Jack's eyes.

"We would like to remind our passengers that the Chula warship is a non-smoking vessel," Diane announced over the system. "Also, passengers are to remain seated at all times during the flight, and remember to fasten your safety harnesses."

"What's all this about, then?" Wren asked, as Diane started the engine. "Where's Lisa?"

"She's with Tosh," Jack said, earning him a brief look from Ianto. "Apparently, Mr. Cameron decided to swipe some Torchwood property and pay a visit to his old campus."

"So he's one of the bad guys?"

Jack gave Wren a half-shrug as the warship began rising up through the hanger bay, which opened up underneath Canary Wharf. "Maybe," he said. "Or he's decided to do something really stupid."

"Even more stupid than turning over Torchwood property to a group of unknowns that grew him inside of a giant test tube?" Ianto asked.

"He may be planning to go there and blow the place sky high in retaliation for creating him in the first place," Jack replied. "So, yes."

"Wait, he stole weapons?" Wren asked, leaning forward in his seat. "He's got guns now?"

"Smart Guns," Jack clarified. "The two that were under glass in the trophy room. And before you can ask, he also knew where to get batteries for them, which means this could get real ugly."

"What have we got to counter the problem?" Ianto asked, as the warship burst through the water's surface, its cloaking shield folding over the surface as water dripped back down into the Wharf.

"On me," Jack said, mentally checking his gear off. "I've got a Squareness Gun, a partially-functioning Vortex Manipulator, and a CMC Macrowave Blaster."

Ianto and Wren both frowned. "Squareness Gun?"

Jack whipped the gun out of his jacket pocket. "Squareness Gun," he said, showing it off to both of them. "I was able to reconstruct one with Tosh's help out of some old parts we found in that Cyklon wreck."

"So, it's a gun that fires squares?" Wren pressed, moving in for a closer look.

"No," Jack said, smacking Wren's hand away when he tried to touch it. "It's a gun that makes squares."

Jack sighed at Wren's bemused expression. "In walls and floors."

"That's very helpful," Ianto muttered, grabbing onto something as the ship turned sharply.

Jack rolled his eyes at Ianto's tone and fished something else out of his pocket. "Here," he said, passing it along into Ianto's hand. "This is for you. Something else I've had Tosh work on in her spare time. It's called a Sonic Pen."

"Sonic Pen?" Wren wondered.

"Great," Ianto said, trying hold on and look at his shiny new pen all at the same time, and failing miserably. "Another pen. Why do you keep insisting on giving me pens?"

"It's a sonic pen," Jack insisted.

"Of course," said Ianto, pocketing it. "Soon I'll have a whole collection of pens, and nothing to write with. When I need to borrow one from Tosh, she'll no doubt wonder what's wrong with any of mine, and I'll have to spend twenty minutes explaining each one to her."

Rather than being angry or offended, Jack laughed. "I love it when you get cheeky," he said. "It kind of reminds me of someone else I used to know."

"Oh, great." Ianto's face was positively sour now. "Another ex-boyfriend?"

"I wish," Jack mumbled out under his breath.

"Great," Wren said, sliding back into his seat. "That wasn't awkward at all. If neither of you minds me changing the subject, can we make it to the school before the Cameron alien does?"

"He managed to keep up with us on foot in the SUV," Jack reminded. "That's how he found the Academy. If he could do that, then catching him before he reaches Tower Hamlet may prove problematic."

"We're in a space ship," Wren pointed out.

"And he's an alien hybrid who can scale walls and keep up with motor land vehicles," Jack countered emphatically.

"Meaning it's possible he's already there," Ianto concluded.

The Torchwood bus glided to a stop above the Tower Hamlet School less than a minute later. Jack and the others peered out at the school grounds below. Over a dozen cop cars were gathered out front by the gates along with several fire trucks.

"I'd say he beat us here," Wren commented. "What's all this about, you think?"

"It looks like our boy might have caused a little bit of a stir," Jack said, still looking the place over. "Once we're on the ground, get behind me and do what I say."

"Same as always," Ianto said, moving into position. "Except I don't think I've ever been behind you before."

"Oh god," Wren grunted. "You two really need to watch what you say. Some of us are still technically minors, you know."

"If you boys are done flirting, I'm ready to beam you down," Diane said, smirking at their antics. "You'll land back behind the building out of sight from any prying eyes."

"Thank you, as always," Jack told her, as the teleportation sequence began to engage. "Monitor the situation from up here, and keep us posted of any new developments."

"Sure you don't need a spare gun?" Diane asked, holding up her revolver.

Jack answered her by patting Ianto on the back. "Already got one."

There was a second of displacement before their feet touched ground behind the school building.

"The basement should be straight ahead," Wren directed.

"Then let's move," Jack barked. "I need to know what it is we're up against. And we've got a hybrid with Smart Guns running around somewhere in the vicinity."

"And shouting will definitely help things," Ianto pointed out, as the three of them raced along the side of the building.

Just like Wren said, the basement doors were a little further along up ahead, down the flight of cement steps. Jack reached the steps first, and skid to a stop before the top one.

"Whoa, hold it," he said, holding Ianto and Wren back. "I'd say our boy has already been here."

The doors to the basement had been torn off. There were no singe marks, or fire suggesting an explosion.

"I knew he was agile," Jack marveled, surveying the damage, "but who knew he was this strong."

"Sir," Ianto said, frowning. "I think there's something wrong."

"I think he's right," Wren agreed, bringing up the holographic screen on his cybernetic hand. "Those doors look like they were torn open from the inside."

Jack looked again, and saw they were right. "So Leon Cameron didn't break in," he realized. "Something inside that basement broke out."

"And was in a bad mood," Wren added, "from the looks of things."

The noise of the police outside the gates grew louder. "I'm beginning to think the PC showed up before Leon ever got here," Jack said.

{} {} {} {} {}

There were bodies.

Everywhere Leon looked, there were bodies. Most of them, he recognized. It felt strange that he could remember so many faces despite only being alive for a couple of weeks. He was practically an infant, yet everywhere he turned, there was a corpse wearing a face that he remembered.

Yet none of their names came to mind. That should have mattered to him, but all Leon could think about was finding what was at the end of the hall.

He had smelled them the moment he arrived on campus. The cops had already showed up, so Leon had gone in through the back way. This time, the door had been locked. A swift kick had knocked it in off its hinges. Attacking the robot girl had been proof enough, but now Leon knew beyond a shadow of a doubt just how strong he was.

And yet, he was more afraid than ever. Here he was, super-strong and agile, armed with alien weaponry, but shaken to the core. He had smelled their scent in the hallways within a few steps of being inside the school. Automatically, Leon recognized them as the next generation. Evidently, there was still some of the programming left in his brain, and it knew the things for what they were.

His replacements.

Something grabbed his foot as he neared the hallway's end. The guns reacted to the spike in his adrenaline at once. Both flew up off the clips on his belt where he'd hooked them and into his hands. There was no button to push or switch to throw. Just like that, Leon was armed.

Then he saw who was clinging to his leg.

"Stacy," he breathed down at the blooded face looking up at him through a curtain of sticky red hair.

Stacy's mouth was moving, but no sound came out. Letting go of the Smart Guns, Leon felt them fly back to their clips on his belt as he knelt down.

"Stacy," he said, faster and more frantic now. "Stacy, can you hear me? What happened here while I was gone?"

Now that his mind had distinguished her from the other scattered bodies, Leon noticed she kept clutching at her stomach with her other hand, as if in pain. Her mouth moved again, and this time, he heard her mutter something faintly.

"Stacy," he said, leaning forward. "Please..."

This time, Leon heard her. "I'm carrying your child," she managed to gasp in his ear before collapsing back down onto the floor.

"She was carrying your child, at least."

Leon jerked back in shock. There was no notice that anyone had approached him, yet Nurse Gita stood inches from where Stacy laid, her body uncomfortably still now.

"Such a waste," Gita continued in a somewhat casual tone. "We waited for one of you to prove yourselves a fertile pair, and the unborn child is terminated because the new batch got a little unruly."

Leon stared into Nurse Gita's face and felt his blood boil. "Why?" he demanded, his voice much quieter than he'd expected it to be. "Why... just..."

Gita shrugged. "Who knows," she said calmly. "I was just assigned to be your caretaker. I don't understand the specifics. You'll have to talk to the man in charge about that."

Leon's breath was growing ragged now. Despite knowing better, he couldn't get his rage under control.

"Where is he, then?" It felt like his eyes were on fire. "Where can I find the 'man in charge'?"

Nurse Gita reached into her pocket and pulled out a syringe. "I'm sure he would love to meet you," she said, kneeling down beside Stacy's body. "You are the last surviving member of your specific bloodline."

The Smart Gun flew into Leon's outstretched hand. "Get the fuck away from her," he ordered, keeping Gita's head in his sights. "Or I blow your brains out."

"Relax," she replied flippantly, placing the needle just above the surface of Stacy's skin. "It's only a sedative. There's nothing I can do for her at this point but ease her suffering."

Still, Leon didn't lower his gun. "If she could be saved, I would have done something already," Gita stated pointedly. "My orders were quite clear concerning any children your breed produced, as well as the parents of them. The fact that all our hard work has gone down the tubes is disheartening, to say the least."

The gun was heavy. It shouldn't have been, but Leon found himself unable to keep it elevated. Slowly, he lowered the Smart Gun, giving the nurse his silent consent to proceed. As the needle jabbed into Stacy's flesh, Leon felt a part of him die on the inside.

When Nurse Gita raised up, he didn't bother trying to hide his tears.

"What now?" he asked, choking on his words.

Nurse Gita sighed, before pulling out another syringe. "This," she said, and stabbed the needle into his chest.

Her movements were surprisingly quick. Caught off-guard by his sorrow and the quickness of the school nurse's attack, Leon could only stare down in shock as he felt the liquid held inside the syringe enter his bloodstream.

"Don't waste your time trying to alter your physiology to counter-act the poison," Gita told him, drawing the needle back out with practiced ease. "It is tailored to your unique bloodstream."

Pain boiled in Leon's blood as the strength in his legs left him. "And very fast acting," Gita noticed as Leon sank to the floor. "Evidently."

Leon stared daggers up at Nurse Gita while struggling to remain somewhat on his feet. "What was the point of that?" he demanded through grit teeth. "If I was more valuable as a breeder, why did you do that?"

"You were valuable with your compatible mates," she explained, watching as the strength left him completely now. "The new batch will never accept you as one of them. They've already proven themselves to be a violent bunch. That's something for the programmers to address."

Leon gasped, and fought to stay awake. He tried forming words, but even that was becoming too much. Nurse Gita turned away and walked off, leaving his rapidly dying body behind, without so much as a backward glance. Everything from curses to pleas for help came to Leon's mind, but none of them passed his lips. Taking one long, ragged breath, Leon craned his neck to where he could see Stacy's body. Their bodies weren't far apart, but it hurt too much to close the gap between them. Desperately, Leon fought to move one arm to touch her one last time.

His mate. They'd been grown to breed together, and she'd been carrying his child. Now they were both dying.

"Stacy," he heard himself whisper, to his own surprise. "I'm so sorry."

Leon had no idea how long he lay there. One moment, he felt light as a feather and was moving like a leaf in the wind. The next, he would be back on the hard tile floor amid a sea of bodies while hot glass pumped through his veins. It felt as though his spirit was trying to leave his body, but the body wasn't hearing of it.

For a moment, he thought he heard footsteps. It sounded like thunder in his ears, and Leon realized he must be hearing the faded beat of his own heart. Even weakened, it sounded like slow drum beats.

Captain Jack was there, looking down on him now with fear in his eyes. Leon felt his heart flutter in a different way over the idea that the intimidating man feared for him so. That thought gave him some small measure of peace as his body began giving up.

He was almost free now. Leon could feel his soul being let go.

A mouth came crashing down on his. A hand was cradling the back of his head, holding him up so that the one kissing him had a better angle. Leon's eyes flew open, and he smelled rather than saw that it was Jack kissing him. Pain entered him again, pain worse than what he'd felt before. It felt like life was being forced back into him, willing him back into his tired, poisoned body.

Their lips disconnected, and Leon found he could breath evenly again. Jack was still holding him up, and smiling now as their eyes connected.

"Welcome back," was all he said.


	3. Higher Learning -- Episode 3

Torchwood Academy:

Higher Education

Episode 3

Adaptation

(Part 1)

by That Long-Haired Creepy Guy

Ianto broke eye contact with Jack, who was leaning against the far corner of his desk, as the door to the observatory swung open. Leon Cameron entered, looking morose as always, his feet moving like led weights as he strode over to where they stood. Ianto felt a pang of sympathy for the young man.

_Very young, really_, Ianto thought to himself as Leon came to a stop.

"You called?" Leon asked, looking back and forth from Jack to Ianto, as though not sure of whom to address first.

Jack smiled at him in a friendly way. "We've got something for you," Jack said. "I had Tosh whip it up with some of the spare tech we have lying around."

Ianto turned at once to retrieve the package lying on Jack's desk. "This," Ianto explained, holding the suit up for Leon to see.

Leon gave the rubber-looking body suit a once over, and his eyes widened disdainfully. "Okay," he began, clearly unnerved. "I'm supposed to wear that?"

"It's a skin suit," Jack explained. "And yes, you're going to wear it."

"Why?" Leon wondered, giving Jack a quick glance before turning back to the fashion atrocity. "It doesn't even look like it'll fit. That thing's gotta be twice the size of me."

"Yes, well, we're hoping that might change in just a moment," Ianto said, growing exasperated. "Just slip it on."

Leon reached out to take the suit from Ianto, but hesitated again. "Wait, here?" he asked, looking around.

"Why not?" Jack wondered, though Ianto saw a sparkle in his partner's eye that suggested he at least understood the fact of why Leon was concerned.

"We're all gentlemen here, aren't we?" Jack continued when Leon didn't respond.

Ianto fought to keep his face straight, and judging by the wink Jack shot him when Leon's back was turned, Jack was well aware of the fact.

Sighing, Leon reluctantly took the suit out of Ianto's hands, pausing afterward for a moment. It was clear he in no way wanted to do this, which only seemed to egg Jack on further. At last, Leon let the suit fall to the floor in a heap, and quickly began scrambling out of the shirt Wren had dug out for him to wear. Ianto watched stiffly the whole time, as did Jack, who wore a much more appreciative expression.

"You know," Jack said casually as Leon kicked off his shoes. "Generally, most species of shapeshifters have a relaxed view toward nudity."

Leon scowled. "Must be the human in me, then," he retorted sourly.

Once naked, Leon shoved both legs into the suit one after the other as quickly as possible. When he was inside it as best as he could manage, Leon rose up and glanced sheepishly at both men, waiting for their approval.

It looked to Ianto like someone had skinned and dyed an elephant's skin and then draped it over Leon like a lumpy curtain.

"Good," Jack said. "Now shapeshift."

Leon frowned. "Into what?"

"Anything," Jack replied. "Pick either one of us if you have to. Just make sure you imagine the clothes along with the body."

"I can't make clothes appear on me," Leon said, but an insistent look from Jack made him try anyway.

Leon focused on Ianto first, whom he just so happened to be facing, and concentrated. Picturing the suit Ianto wore along with his body, Leon felt himself slide into the new form easily.

He was getting better at it.

To his surprise, he felt the suit tighten around him, and go from rubbery to feeling like soft fabric.

"Very good," Jack praised. "Nice!"

Ianto frowned at the compliment, and saw the wheels turning behind Jack's eyes as he looked back and forth between Leon wearing Ianto's body, and the original.

Leon, meanwhile, looked down and saw that his suit was a perfect match for the one Ianto wore.

"How?" he wondered.

"Polymorphic fabric," Jack answered. "The suit is designed to shapeshift along with you, eliminating that pesky problem of not being able to form your own clothing."

Leon gave the suit an appreciative glance. "And it eliminates any need to go clothes shopping," Ianto added, as Leon began shifting again. "Mothers the world over would kill to have one of these."

"Torchwood already has the patent," Jack informed, as Leon finished changing into a perfect match for Captain Jack.

Leon looked down at himself as his fingers played over the World War Two-era coat. "You know what," he said, grinning. "I think the coat works on you."

Jack cocked an eyebrow as Leon shifted into a younger form, closer to that of a nineteen-year old with mixed Chinese ancestry.

"I've been craving Chinese take-out lately," he said by way of explanation.

"Let's see you shift the clothes and nothing else," Jack suggested.

Leon complied by holding his arms up and concentrating. He'd kept Jack's clothes the way they were, save for making them a smaller size. An image formed in his mind, and soon the clothing darkened to black. Leon stood wearing a pair of black jeans and leather jacket with a white t-shirt underneath. The shirt had a T-logo on it.

"I saw it in one of the rooms downstairs," Leon said, holding it out so Jack and Ianto could see. "It looked pretty cool. I guessed the 'T' stands for Torchwood."

"Don't," Ianto advised. "Pretty soon, he'll have us running around all over Cardiff wearing team uniforms."

"Hey, the uniforms were a good idea," Jack bit back playfully.

"Except no one would wear them," Ianto countered. "Not even Lisa."

Leon's face lost some of his smile as a chill descended. "What's the deal with her?" he asked, looking back and forth at them.

Jack looked over at Ianto first before answering. "She's a Cyberman," he explained. "Or used to be one, anyway."

Leon frowned. "You told me that before, but I still don't know what it means."

Ianto looked surprised by this. "You don't know anything about the Cyberman?" he asked, frowning. "The Battle of Canary Wharf? Didn't they program that into you?"

"No," he answered. "Whoever built me must not have thought that was important. That, or it got wiped when I was RetConned."

Ianto stiffened slightly, as though expecting Leon to be mad. "Thank you, by the way," Leon told Ianto, which earned him a surprised look. "That needle you fired into me is why I broke free of my programming. I'd have been wiped out when those basement dwellers broke free, otherwise."

Leon turned to Jack before Ianto had a chance to reply. "Speaking of which," he said quickly. "Has there been any news?"

"Nothing so far," Jack replied. "Odds are, they've gone underground for right now. Eventually, we'll get something. Tosh is monitoring all broadcast channels in the meantime, just in case."

"We expect they'll surface sooner or later," Ianto added. "It's really only a matter of time."

Leon nodded, and became fascinated by his shoes as thoughts of Stacy entered his head.

"While we wait," Jack said, getting his attention again. "Care to join us for a fact-finding mission?"

Leon flinched. "Right now?" he asked, glancing out the observatory glass. "It's already dark."

"Alien threats have little respect for late hours," Ianto retorted with a smirk. "Be grateful it isn't three in the morning."

"Tosh sent us a message a few minutes ago," said Jack, pushing away from his side of the desk. "She detected a small ripple through the Cardiff Rift."

Ianto scowled slightly as Jack stood in front of Leon. "Chances are, it's probably nothing," Jack went on, ignoring the look on Ianto's face. "But I figure it's worth looking into. Wren and Lisa are coming along, too."

"Okay," Leon said nervously, before a thought occurred to him. "Wait, if you think it's nothing, why are Wren and Lisa coming along."

"Because I think it's nothing," Jack replied, as if it were obvious. "If it was something serious, I'd have asked Madame Vastra and Jenny to come instead."

"She'd want to bring Myfanwy," Ianto muttered. "And we all know how well that usually works out."

"Sure," Leon said, trying not to picture the sort of devastation a pterodactyl would cause. "When do we leave?"

"Now," Jack said. "Ianto, get to the garage and get the SUV warmed up. I'll be along in just a minute."

Ianto didn't look thrilled at the idea of leaving Leon alone with Jack, but did as he was told. Once the door was shut, Jack put both hands on Leon's shoulders and turned him until they were standing face-to-face.

"I promise you," he said in a gentle voice. "We're going to find the people responsible for all this."

Leon swallowed hard. This close to Jack, it was hard to forget that he'd kissed the man not too long ago. Mind you, that had been so Jack could revive him. Leon still hadn't gotten the man to explain how that worked.

"How are you handling things?" Jack asked, snapping Leon out of his rather heated thoughts momentarily.

"Good," Leon answered, a little too fast. "I mean, I think I'll be okay."

Jack looked less than convinced.

"I'm only a couple of weeks old," Leon reminded him. "I guess I'm just not old enough to worry about things like how I was born, or the fact that everyone I knew was killed recently."

Jack wasn't buying it, and let Leon know with a look. "It's called regression," he explained, turning around to retrieve something from his desk. "When a person experiences an extreme emotional trauma, they can sometimes retreat into themselves."

"But I haven't retreated," Leon protested. "I'm right here."

"You're acting like a disaffected teenager," Jack pointed out, approaching Leon again with a flat box in each hand. "Which, I guess, makes sense considering they aged you to where you resembled one physically. Right now, you're living in a state of denial about what happened. Pretty soon, all that emotion will come back to haunt you."

Jack waited as his words settled into Leon. "Right now, though, we have a job to do, and I need to know whether or not you can handle it."

Leon hesitated before giving Jack a very stiff nod. "I can handle it," he said. "I am handling it, in my own way."

Jack smiled sadly, and opened the box up. Inside were the twin Smart Guns Leon had stolen before.

"They seem to have reprogrammed themselves to match your specific DNA," he said. "I figure we might as well get some use out of them."

Leon raised both hands to retrieve them, but the Smart Guns were one step ahead. Before his fingers could come near the box, the Smart Guns flew through the air into Leon's hands. Flinching, he looked each weapon over for a moment before meeting Jack's eyes.

"Are you sure it's such a good idea to arm someone you claim is emotionally disturbed with high-tech alien weaponry?"

Jack shrugged as he snapped the box shut. "I've made worse decisions," he said flippantly. "But I guess we'll find out once we get you out into the field."

Leon stared incredulously as Jack strode calmly toward the door. "Are things always this screwed up around here?"

"It used to be a lot worse," Jack replied, waiting at the door for Leon to catch up. "The guy they left in charge before me ended his term by killing everyone."

Leon paled as Jack raced off down the steps.

"Way to inspire the troops, Commander," he quipped, before tentatively following after.

{} {} {} {} {}

"We should have taken the bus," Wren muttered under his breath as a car in the lane next to theirs honked loudly.

"We can't take the ship out each time there's an emergency," Jack said as the SUV inched forward. "Chulla warships burn a lot of fuel, and that stuff's not easy to come by."

Leon was sitting in the backseat, sandwiched between Wren and Lisa. Lisa was facing forward, staring into the back of Ianto's head as he sat impatiently in the driver's seat. Leon half-expected laser beams to come flying out of her eyes and drill holes in the spots where she was staring. The thought made him squeamish.

To his right, Wren was staring out the window at the row of cars boxing them in while tapping his fleshy hand against a knee.

"Welcome to Torchwood," he told Leon, giving him an aside glance for a second. "Who knew that top-secret alien hunting organizations had to contend with traffic."

"I can remove the obstacles in approximately seventeen point six seconds," Lisa said, still facing the back of Ianto's head. "Assuming I get a running start."

"Stay in your seat, Lisa," Ianto ordered her. "We'll be out of here momentarily."

"Right," Jack said, pulling a cell phone out from his coat pocket. "I think it's time to call in the big guns."

Leon blinked. "Is he actually going to shoot our way out of here?" he whispered, leaning over toward Wren now.

"Not quite," Wren replied, grinning. "But something even better."

Leon could hear the phone ringing now. "Your Majesty," Jack said, as flirtatious as ever.

In the rearview mirror, Leon could see Ianto rolling his eyes. "We've run into a small problem," Jack was saying now. "Yes, Torchwood detected some minor Rift activity. Our computer expert pinpointed it to a spot in the Atlantic Wharf, but traffic's bumper to bumper all over the place. Do you think you can get us clearance?"

Wren was snickering as Leon's eyes doubled, realizing just who Jack was speaking with on the phone.

"He did not just put in a call to the Queen," he said.

"He did," Lisa answered. "I imagine she will not be happy if this turns out to be a false alarm."

"Torchwood is an independent organization," Wren explained. "Technically, we only take orders from the Queen herself."

Something about the way that was phrased made Leon frown. "What do you mean, 'technically'?" he asked.

"What the Queen doesn't know won't hurt her," Lisa replied, giving Leon a look at long last, which made him shiver slightly.

Robot or not, there was something uncanny about her eyes, Leon thought.

Up in the front passenger seat, Jack put his phone away with a satisfied smirk. "Two minutes," he declared.

"I guess we're supposed to wait until then," Ianto noted, before looking toward Jack. "Unless you've got a new pen for me that can get us out of this mess faster?"

Less than two minutes later, traffic was moving forward. As Ianto pulled past the traffic light, he saw a PC waving them forward.

"Efficient," Jack noted. "And with six seconds to spare, no less."

Leon held on to his seat as the SUV sped forward, turning into a sharp curve that made the tires squeal. All but Lisa were holding on for their lives. As the vehicle straightened out and picked up speed, a light on the floor between Jack's boots flashed momentarily.

Leon saw it, and looked into Jack's shadowed face a moment before speaking. "This might not be the best time," he said, getting the man's attention. "But I've been wondering about this since we left. Why did you bring a severed hand on this mission?"

Jack didn't look at him. "Don't ask," Wren whispered quickly in his ear. "Seriously, whatever it is, he doesn't like to talk about it. But he takes it along with him almost every time he leaves the Academy."

"It belongs to a friend," Jack answered, loud enough to let them both know he could hear them over the racing motor. "I'm keeping it safe until I can return it."

Leon narrowed his eyes. "You're keeping a severed hand inside some sort of big glass tube with wiring and some sort of clear liquid inside just so you can return it to the friend who lost it?"

Wren leaned away from Leon slightly, as though expecting an explosion. "They must have been some friend," Leon went on, unwilling to let the subject drop.

Jack didn't reply, and from his silence, Leon was able to determine he had no intention of answering any further questions. Ianto eased some of the tension in the vehicle by turning sharply onto a side road. As they did, Leon spotted another PC officer waving away traffic so they could move through.

"How did she arrange all this so fast?" he wondered, starring past Lisa out her window.

"The Queen Mother moves fast for an old bird," Wren said. "When she wants to, anyway."

"Show some respect," Jack admonished, though he said nothing more on the matter.

It wasn't very long before they found the spot where Tosh had detected the Rift disturbance. The location was programmed into the GPS, but Wren spotted it anyway. Mind you, the numerous police cars with flashing strobe lights, bomb squad van, and fire trucks were a fairly huge clue.

"I think we've found it," Wren stated.

Lisa looked past Leon at him. "How did you guess?"

"Everyone out," Jack instructed as Ianto brought the Torchwood vehicle to a stop. "Don't let them try and stop you from crossing the lines. We have clearance to be here. Just keep moving and do your jobs, people."

"Right," Wren joked, holding the door open so Leon could get out next. "So you want Ianto to hang back and make everyone here coffee."

"Give me twenty minutes," Ianto replied, unfazed, "and I can have everyone here lattes."

Leon snickered as he climbed out into the street. Wren shut the door, and held him by the arm as the others moved on ahead.

"Hold it there," he told Leon, before letting him go. "I got some advice for you."

Leon smiled as he turned to face him. "Okay," he said, feeling a little silly. "What sort of advice?"

"The best kind," Wren replied. "Don't worry about screwing up."

Leon waited a moment in case there was more. "That's it?" he wondered.

"Everyone screws up their first mission," Wren explained. "Don't let it slow you down. The point is to get up and keep going."

"Just like that?" Leon pressed, moving around Wren so he could catch up to the others. "You can set your watch to this sort of thing?"

"Always," he replied, keeping in step. "We even take bets on it. The odds for you are that it'll hit somewhere within the first hour or so."

"It's such a wonderful relief to know everyone is giving me the biggest vote of confidence," Leon retorted sarcastically.

"We are," Wren insisted, checking something on his robotic cylinder. "Early screw-ups are pretty mild, comparatively speaking. When you blow it near the end, somebody usually dies."

"I see," said Leon as they reached the police barrier. "You sound like an authority on this sort of thing. Care to explain what your screw-up was like?"

"Didn't have one," Wren said coolly as he reached into his front pocket for his Torchwood badge. A cop was already moving to stop them, but slowed as he saw the emblem Wren was flashing him.

"But Lisa almost brought a roof down on our heads," he went on, pocketing the badge again. "And I hear Ianto caused some kind of big to-do in the Academy basement back when he first joined, so it happens."

The others were waiting for them at the edge of a smoldering indention in the ground. It looked like something had landed in the middle of the road and uprooted most of the asphalt. Captain Jack was punching at the vortex manipulator on his wrist. Now that they were closer, Leon could see that the inside of the small crater held what looked like a great big scorched boulder.

"Space rock?" he guessed, coming up beside Lisa.

"Meteorite," Lisa corrected. "However, a meteor shower was not reported. This came through the Rift."

"High levels of tachyon and chronomorphic particles," Jack said, studying the readings on his manipulator. "This thing came down hot, alright. I'm surprised it didn't make more of a splash on the Rift sensors considering the readings I'm getting."

"How does a rock come through the Rift?" Leon wondered, keeping his voice low to avoid being overheard by the police and other city officials.

"It's probably just random space junk," Ianto explained for him. "Occasionally, debris washes up in Cardiff just like stuff ends up on the South Wales shoreline. Wherever this thing was before it arrived here, the Rift swallowed it up and spat it out in our backyard."

"Probably was just in the wrong place at the wrong time," Jack mused. "But since we got here before UNIT, it's Torchwood property."

"UNIT?" Leon asked, looking from Wren to Ianto.

"UNIT's this other alien hunter group," Wren obliged when Ianto didn't respond. "They work for the United Nations, and chase down alien stuff too. Usually, we're racing to get to whatever shows up before they can."

"Terrific," Leon muttered, as Jack motioned for them to approach the space rock behind him. "I've gotten myself into an intergalactic pissing contest."

The rock was still hot. Leon could feel the heat coming off it, and his first thought was that it was radioactive.

"The radiation levels aren't high enough right now for us to worry," Jack said, as though anticipating Leon's panic. "I still wouldn't touch it, though."

The group began to split up and, not knowing who to stick with, Leon opted to follow Wren around one side while Jack and Ianto came around from the other way. Lisa stood guard several steps back in case something happened. Leon had the feeling that, despite Jack's reassurances that it was nothing but ordinary space debris, they were all waiting for something bad to happen.

Unfortunately, it did, but not from anywhere Leon was expecting.

Wren was in the lead, doing a scan of his own with his robotic cylinder hand, when it happened the first time. There was no warning whatsoever. One moment, Leon felt fine. The next, his whole body jerked.

Leon couldn't remember if he'd ever had hiccups before. He wasn't sure that the people who made him, whoever they were exactly, had bothered programming such a thing into him. Apparently, half-alien hybrids could get them, though, and these were especially painful. It almost felt like he'd shapeshifted, only a whole lot faster and harder.

Then Leon looked down at himself, and saw he was wearing a PC uniform.

Another hiccup shook his whole body, and he was dressed like one of the firemen hanging back near the edge of the scene.

"Oh, shit," Wren swore, punching several buttons on his holo display. "I've got life readings coming out of this thing."

Leon hiccuped, and saw he was back to normal. "What?" he asked, before taking in a deep breath.

"Life readings," Wren said, looking over his shoulder at Leon. "There's something alive inside this chunk of hot rock."

Tears formed at the edges of Leon's eyes as he struggled to hold his breath and not hiccup again.

Wren frowned. "You okay, mate?"

Slowly, Leon exhaled. "What do the readings say?" he asked, moving in close to get a look at the holographic display projecting out of Wren's hand. "I mean, are there aliens that normally travel by meteorite?"

Wren snorted. "At this point, I'll believe anything," he said, hitting a button to close the screen. "Better tell the captain and his tea boy, though. They'll need to hear this."

Leon started to nod, then felt himself hiccup. Looking himself over, he saw he was wearing a bright red dress and high heels now. He was also in a woman's body.

"Where did this come from?" he wondered aloud, hiccuping yet again into his former body.

"Say something?" Wren asked, turning around.

"Nothing," Leon answered far too quickly for even his comfort. "False alarm. Let's go tell Captain Jack about... whatever you found in this thing."

There were no more hiccups as they rounded the space rock to meet with Jack and Ianto, much to Leon's great relief. Jack was attempting to get further scans from the rock using his vortex manipulator when Wren stood before him with his own scan information displayed holographically.

"See?" Wren insisted.

Jack looked it over, then gave the device on his wrist a shake. "You're supposed to be top of the line 51st century technology," he scolded at the machine. "How does something as advanced as you get bested by an A-level's science project."

"Because you weren't looking for life signs," Ianto reminded. "You were scanning for Rift energy and time particles."

Jack gave Ianto a withering glare, which he accepted unflinchingly. "Apologies, sir," Ianto replied, looking away slowly.

"There's something alive in this thing," Wren insisted. "My scanners don't lie."

Jack was already ignoring Wren by messing with his manipulator again. "I'm sending a signal to Tosh," he told everyone. "She can have Vicar Bray out here with Gunther ready to load this thing up in twenty."

"What do we do with it?" Leon wondered. "It's just a big space rock."

"We take it back to the Academy," Jack replied, "lock it up in a containment unit, and see what's inside. If it's dangerous, we take care of it. If not..."

"Send it back home?" Leon offered.

The look Jack gave him was positively scalding. "We're not a taxi service," he said to Leon fiercely. "Torchwood doesn't give rides to aliens anywhere. If it lands on our turf, we claim it and try to use it as best we can."

Leon raised a hand, and one of the Smart Guns flew into it. He hadn't meant to summon the device. It seemed to react to his body on its own.

"I see," he said, letting the gun go to float back to the holster on his hip. "I guess that explains why I'm here, then."

Leon waited off to the side while Jack phoned for assistance in moving their prize. Wren took point beside Lisa, who kept watching him as though she were expecting him to attack. The rest of the police and other officials were giving them an awful lot of berth. Leon noticed all of them kept looking from one Torchwood member to another. No one seemed especially pleased that they were there.

When the hiccups started again, they came in rapid succession. Leon felt himself go from a bomb squad member to another cop, and from that to an old lady he'd seen on a street not far from the Academy a couple of days ago. Leon had no idea whose body he'd taken the form of until he saw his face reflected in the nearby hood of a police vehicle.

Before he even had time to panic and wonder if anyone had seen him shapeshift, a burly-looking cop with a pot belly came up from behind and lightly seized him by the shoulder.

"Ma'am," he said gently, but firmly. "I'm afraid this is a restricted area. Would you mind explaining how you came to be here?"

Leon opened his mouth, racing for some sort of answer, and hiccuped yet again. Back in his old body once more, he almost leaped for joy, but then registered the look of sheer horror on the cops face. The man jerked his hand back as though scalded.

His eyes doubled in size in under a second. "The hell...?"

Leon reacted without thinking. The Smart Gun was in his hand and primed before he could stop himself. The cop saw it fly into his hand, and went sickly pale. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he stepped back.

"That's it," the cop whispered, backing away from Leon now as though he'd just seen a ghost. "I'm never drinking while on the job again. This time, I'm getting a sponsor and sticking to the program."

Leon was left standing there with his Smart Gun still in hand, feeling a bit bemused by the turn of events.

"That was unexpected," he muttered to himself, reluctantly letting the gun go. "Though I suppose I should be thankful it didn't get worse."

Lisa and Wren were coming toward him now. "Why were you holding your gun?" she asked, looking down at the Smart Gun now sticking to the side of his pants. "There is no reason for anyone here to die. I'm sure Ianto could RetCon them all with relative ease."

"False alarm," Leon said, keeping his breath steady in the hopes that it would stave off any more hiccups.

"We just heard the news," Wren said. "Vicar Bray and Gunther are bringing a flatbed hauler to take the space rock back to the Academy."

Leon nodded, afraid to answer, but then a question entered his mind. "Torchwood has a flatbed hauler?"

"It's a rental," Wren explained.

The police were already clearing a path for the flatbed to drive up to the crater. Gunther had climbed out before the hauler could come to a complete stop.

"Okay," Leon said, watching alongside Wren and Lisa as Jack began giving instructions to what looked like the policemen in charge. "We've got a rented flatbed to take the space rock back with us. Any idea how we're going to get that thing up there without a crane?"

"Cranes are too expensive," Wren said. "Plus, you need a special license to drive one of those. Jack's probably going to have us load the thing up by hand."

Leon glared. "You're really getting into me being the new guy, aren't you?"

Wren laughed as Lisa moved silently through the scattered rubble that had once been the city street to join Vicar Bray and Gunther, who were standing in front of Jack listening to his orders.

"We've got a robot girl," he began pointedly, "a caveman, a giant wasp that can carry heavy loads, and a teen genius."

Leon looked over at Ianto and frowned. "I'm pretty sure Ianto is out of his teens," he said. "None of the teenagers I went to school with wore a suit, not unless they were forced into it. The school uniforms were bad enough. And who said I'm a genius?"

"Ha-ha," Wren retorted. "I meant me."

Leon was taken aback by this statement. The others, meanwhile, were encircling the crater, preparing to move it.

"You're supposed to be a teen genius?" he asked, looking back at Wren.

"Who do you think built this?" Wren asked, holding his cylinder hand up for emphasis. "I had to construct it myself after I lost the real one. Not an easy thing to do with only one hand, just so you know."

"How did you lose your hand?" he asked.

Leon noticed that the police and others had vacated the area, presumably on Jack's orders. Vicar Bray was swirling in a mist of purple haze, resuming his Vespiform shape, while Gunther and Lisa took point in perpendicular corners of the space rock.

"There was a fire," Wren replied, as Jack began ordering the others to get ready to lift. "Most of me got out alive, so I should be thankful for that."

Wren watched the rest of the group work for a moment. "Come on," he said. "We should be helping them out instead of standing here."

While they were talking, the others had somehow rigged up a set of support wires around the space rock, securing them like a net. Vicar Bray was flying in wasp form above it, ready to lift the rock straight into the air. Luckily, the other cops were far enough away to where they couldn't get a clear view of what was going on. Jack had evidently gotten them to back away.

That, or none of them wanted to be anywhere near the thing when it was air-lifted. Leon couldn't help but wonder if, considering the implications Wren had made earlier, some of them weren't familiar with the sort of stuff Torchwood dealt with.

The rock was moving now, straight up into the air. Gunther and Lisa were helping to keep it stabilized while Bray strained against the weight to move it over toward the flatbed. Jack was keeping tabs on the situation while Ianto directed them from on the ground. Wren and Leon took spot beside the captain and observed the situation.

"So this was a typical Torchwood day, huh?" Leon asked him, while the others went on about their business. "A piece of space debris lands in Cardiff, and we're on the job to make sure nothing goes wrong."

"Pretty much," Jack said, watching them work with a smile on his face.

"Sometimes, things don't always go this easy," Wren added warningly, as the boulder swung over the back of the hauler.

The moment Wren finished speaking, one of the cable wires snapped. The sound reminded Leon of a gunshot, even though he'd never actually heard one before. The broken cable swung out like a whip as the weight distributed to one side hard, causing Vicar Bray to loose his balance. The space rock swung back and forth like a pendulum before the other wires came free all at the same time. The result caused the rock to fly through the air away from the flatbed to the ground in an arc.

There was a sick cracking sound as it impacted against the concrete.

"I didn't say it," Leon insisted quickly, pointing at Wren. "It was him!"

"Thanks a lot, mate," Wren grumbled.

Whistling filled the air like steam escaping from a hot kettle. Cracks in the space rock formed, and from them, white smoke spat out in all directions. Gunther and Lisa were already backing far away. Vicar Bray landed on top of the flatbed and quickly changed back to his human disguise.

"It just broke free on me," he shouted apologetically over the noise. "I'm so sorry, Jack."

Jack was looking at the space rock with growing fear. Ianto came running over to stand at his man's side. The steam escaping from the rock was intense now. Even from the safe distance Leon assumed they were at, he could feel it in the air.

Then, it stopped.

Everyone stayed exactly where they were. Jack was the first one to move, going for his vortex manipulator. Wren followed suite, checking the scanner on his robotic cylinder. Leon stood there, feeling a tad useless while the other two worked, though he wasn't the only one doing so.

"Quite remarkable," Gunther commented.

"High-pressure gas escaping," Lisa replied in a dour tone of voice. "Hardly something to get excited about."

"Then why did you back up?" Leon wondered.

Lisa cut him a sharp glare. "It could have exploded," she responded. "The smaller debris would have been hazardous."

"Of course."

"Agreed," Gunther said, observing the rock now. "'Explosions are not comfortable.' Yevgeny Zamyatin."

Even Lisa looked put-off by this. "That's it?" Leon wondered. "That's the best you can come up with in this kind of situation?"

"There are surprisingly few quotable references to draw from that concern explosions," Gunther replied. "Believe it or not."

"We need to take you out to an action film sometime," Vicar Bray said.

"Nothing," Jack declared, getting their attention. "According to this, nothing has changed."

"I'm still getting life readings," Wren confirmed. "Though they're a little faint now. Let's hope none of that gas was poisonous."

"If it was, we'd be dead by now," Jack said calmly.

Movement came from behind them. Everyone turned to see one of the older officers coming toward them now, looking wild-eyed.

"What the fuck was that?" he demanded. "You could have heard that racket all the way down on the other side of the Wharf."

"Small accident," Jack explained, keeping his cool. "Nothing to worry about. Just..."

Jack never got to finish his sentence. The topmost part of the boulder exploded abruptly, cutting him off. Something flew out from the opening there. None of them got a chance to see what it was, but the thing shot straight up into the air high above the surrounding buildings before catching a gust of wind, and sailing off deeper into town.

"Saints preserve," Leon heard the cop whisper.

The others were still watching the sky, but Leon and Wren were looking at the hole in the boulder where the thing escaped through.

"That can't be good," Wren said.

"Wren," Jack barked. "Scan, now."

Wren was already on it. "Nothing, sir," he said, after a moment. "Zero life signs. Whatever we detected inside that thing, it's gone now."

"The hell is going on?" the cop demanded, looking from one to the other. "Are you nutters trying to tell me you let a space alien loose into Cardiff."

"Sir," Ianto said, reaching into his front pocket for one of his ornamental pen. "I assure you, we have the situation under control. My advice is that you forget about it."

The cop looked unconvinced. "Everything under control, huh?" he spat back. "Is that right? And just what makes you think I'm going to forget about any of this?"

"This," Ianto said, holding his pen up. "Don't worry, though. It will only sting for a second."

Pointing the pen at the officer, Ianto frowned as the tip glowed a light blue color and emitted a high-pitched noise.

"Sorry," Ianto said quickly, stuffing the pen back into his pocket and retrieving another one. "Sorry, that one's new. This is the one I wanted."

Before the cop could comment, a near-invisible needle flew from the pen's tip and into the neck of the cop. The officer's eyes fluttered for a moment as he staggered. Leon noticed the needle was beginning to dissolve. He remembered the sensation vividly, and didn't envy how the cop would feel once he regained consciousness.

"Perhaps you ought to number those?" Gunther suggested.

"Come on," Jack ordered, taking command. "We've got work to do. Gunther, you and Bray take the rock back to headquarters so Tosh can examine it. When you get there, tell Madame Vastra and Jenny to meet up with us. Lisa, stay here and give them a hand. You can catch up with us once you're done. Ianto, go with Gunther and Bray. Make sure nothing else happens to that rock."

"Sir," Ianto answered, nodding.

Lisa nodded once in the affirmative before joining Gunther and Bray. "Well Leon," Jack said, turning to him and Wren. "It looks as though you'll be getting some action after all."

Leon tried not to blush, and hoped his hiccups were gone for good.

{} {} {} {} {}

"How is a lizard woman supposed to meet us downtown without causing a riot?" Leon asked.

Wren and Jack had already climbed out of the SUV, and were moving down toward a street corner. Leon jogged a few steps to catch us as Wren began fiddling with his sensors.

"Silurian," Wren corrected, not looking behind him. "Not lizard woman. And do yourself a favor by not saying that to her face."

"How long were you in the infirmary for?" Jack asked, stopping to lean against a lamp post.

"Six hours," Wren admitted, though he sounded contrite at Jack's asking. "She told me the beating would help me remember."

"At least Jenny showed up to pull her off you," Jack said laughing. "Otherwise, you'd have been in there a lot longer."

Leon waited as the conversation dwindled. "Are we waiting on the alien or Madame Vastra?" he wondered. "Because I doubt the alien is just going to wander down the sidewalk past us."

"You never know," Jack said seriously.

"This is as good a place to start as any," Wren explained, still sweeping the area with the scanner built into his hand. "Whatever came out of that space rock flew this way. There is a possibility that it could pass over us, assuming it was actually flying."

"Plus, moving around means that it will take Vastra, Jenny, and Lisa longer to catch up with us," Jack added. "Once they get here, and Wren locates this thing, we can track it."

Leon mulled this over for a moment as he watched Wren work. "Any luck?" Jack asked, watching Wren closely.

Wren shook his head in frustration. "I thought I'd have better luck doing a sweep looking for the tachyon particles from the crash site, but there's interference. Hold on and I'll see if I can't pinpoint it."

Wren looked directly at Leon a moment later. "It's coming off of you," he said flatly. "You're body is packed with the energy from the crash."

Leon blinked. "How can that be?" he asked, frowning. "I didn't get any closer to the rock than you guys did. I didn't even touch it, I swear."

"If you'd touched it back then, the flesh might have burned off your hand," Jack replied. "That thing came down hot."

"Step back a second," Wren advised, messing with some of his controls.

Leon obliged, and a moment later, Wren nodded. "That confirms it," he said, looking toward Jack. "The interference was coming from him."

Jack saw the look of near-panic on Leon's face. "It's probably because you're a shapeshifter," he reassured quickly. "Most organic lifeforms attempt to adjust to their environments. Being a shapeshifter, and not very old, your body is still learning how to adjust to new things that it encounters. Storing the energy was the first thing that occurred to it."

"And that's just the thing I need," Wren declared, pointing his hand at Leon now. "If they carry the same energy signature, all I have to do is scan for an organic lifeform with the same particle trace. This shouldn't take but a second."

Leon stared slack-jawed at Wren, who was completely ignoring him. "What's going to happen to me?" he demanded. "Am I going to sprout a second head, or have some kind of time cootie infection?"

That got Wren and Jack's attention. "Time cooties?" Wren asked, his finger stuck in mid-motion of pressing a button.

"Seriously," Jack said, trying not to laugh too much. "Have you noticed anything unusual since we got to the crash site?"

"Like... what?" Leon asked.

Jack started to give Leon a suspicious look, but two young women chose to walk past at that very moment. The traffic light changed just as they reached the sidewalk's edge, allowing them to cross the street. Jack watched both go the whole time.

"I thought you..." Leon started to asked.

His words were cut off as another hiccup fit kicked in. "...were," he tried, shifting into the first girl.

"...with..." he spat out, changing into her friend.

"Ianto!"

Leon finished by shifting into Wren. "Okay, I seem to have a slight case of hiccups," he confessed rapidly, before more came. "And a problem with my shapeshifting."

Two more hiccups shook his body, changing him first into Jack again, then knocking him back into his old body, but with platinum blonde hair.

"The two may or may not be connected," he finished.

"I'd say there's a distinct possibility," Jack surmised, while Wren went back to work.

Jack straightened up, giving Leon his full attention now. Leon tried to maintain his composure as he felt Jack look right through him. Around them, pedestrian traffic continued as though nothing out of the ordinary was going on.

"This might not be the best time," Leon spoke, hating how sheepish his voice sounded. "But I just switched bodies and genders several times. Also, Wren is tapping away on a holographic computer console that is being projected out of his robotic hand."

"'How is no one noticing this?'" Jack offered, beating him to the punch. "That's the usual question people have."

"Right," said Leon, feeling a little better. "Are we all under some kind of... what did you call it before? A perception field?"

"Only the Academy has that," Jack said. "It's perception field is generated from a square slab of concrete. We used a little bit of future tech to Gerry-rig it so that the field is projected all over the grounds."

"How does a slab of concrete generate a perception field?"

Leon noticed a look in Jack's eyes as he spoke, like the man was suddenly uncomfortable. "Who knows?" the man replied evasively. "Were I to wager a guess, I'd say that something once landed in Cardiff that carried perception filter abilities. An event could have occurred, causing some of those properties to rub off on the piece of concrete said artifact was resting on at the time."

Leon cocked an eyebrow at him. "That's just your guess, huh?"

"It's a theory," Jack replied. "To answer your earlier question, the Rift has been active for thousands of years. People in Cardiff are used to weirdness, even if they aren't always consciously aware of it."

Jack's phone rang as Wren let out a triumphant shout. "Yes!" he declared. "Damn, I'm good. I know where our alien is now."

"Thanks, Tosh," Jack said, closing his phone. "So do I. Tosh intercepted an emergency call to the cops. Apparently, there's some weird activity going on in a club not too far from here. Madame Vastra and Jenny have already been told to meet us there."

"Let's go," Wren said.

"I've got the front seat this time," Leon called out, hiccuping into the shape of an old man that just happened to be going in the opposite direction.

"Not on your life, old man," Wren quipped.

"Boys," Jack said warningly. "Don't make me separate you two."


End file.
